Noah Jokes

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    Building the Ark

    Hot 5 years ago

    And the Lord spoke to Noah and said: "In six months I'm going to make it rain until the whole earth is covered with water and all the evil people are destroyed. But I want to save a few good people, and two of every kind ofliving thing on the planet. I am ordering you to build Me an Ark."
    And in a flash of lightning he delivered the specifications for an Ark. "OK," said Noah, trembling in fear and fumbling with the blueprints. "Six months, and it starts to rain," thundered the Lord. "You'd better have my Ark completed, or learn how to swim for a very long time." And six months passed. The skies began to cloud up and rain began to fall.
    The Lord saw that Noah was sitting in his front yard, weeping. And there was no Ark. "Noah," shouted the Lord, "where is my Ark?" A lightning bolt crashed into the ground next to Noah.
    "Lord, please forgive me!" begged Noah. "I did my best. But there were big more...

    Go Forth and Multiply

    Hot 5 years ago

    After it was all over and Noah lowered the ramp of the ark for all the
    animals to leave, he told the animals "To go forth and multiply."All the animals left except two snakes who lay quietly in the corner of the
    ark."Why can't you go forth and multiply?" demanded Noah."We can't," answered the snakes. "We're adders."

    Build an Ark

    Hot 7 years ago

    Build an Ark The Lord said to Noah, "In six months, I'm going to make it rain until the earth is covered with water and all the evil is destroyed. I want you to build an ark and save two of each animal species. Here are the blueprints for the ark." Six months passed. The skies began to cloud and rain began to fall. Noah sat in his front yard, weeping. "Why haven't you built the ark?" asked the Lord. "Oh, forgive me," said Noah. "I did my best, but so many things happened. "The blueprints you gave me didn't meet the city's code and I had to change them. Then the city said I was violating the zoning ordinance by building an ark in my front yard, so I had to get a varience.. "The Forest Service required tree-cutting permits, and I was sued by a state animal rights group when I tried to gather up the animals. "The EPA required an environmental impact statement concerning the flood. the Army Corps of Engineers wanted a map of the proposed more...

    The following statements about the Bible were written by children and have not been retouched or corrected (i.e., bad spelling has been left in.)In the first book of the Bible, Guinesses, God got tired of creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off.Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree.Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark because Noah built the ark, which the animals came to in pears.Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night.The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with unsympathetic Genitals.Samson was a strong man who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like Delilah.Samson slew the Philistines with the axe of the Apostles.Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread, which is bread without any ingredients.The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert.Afterwards, Moses went up to Mount Cyanide to find the ten commendments.The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.The seventh more...

    DID NOAH FISH?

    Hot 4 years ago

    A Sunday school teacher asked, "Johnny, do you think Noah did a lot of fishing when he was on the Ark?"
    "No," replied Johnny. "How could he, with just two worms?"

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