Texas Rangers outfielder Josh Hamilton is expected to miss two months with an abdominal strain. Luckily he has plenty of experience with rehab.
Josh lived in a small town and was well know for being the eternal optimist. No matter how horrible a situation was, Josh could always think of a way it could be worse. Eventually, everyone in town tired of hearing him say that, so they decided to tell him a lie.
"Josh, did you hear that Rick found his wife in bed with another man last night? He shot the man and then himself. Isn't that horrible?"
"Yes, that is horrible," Josh replied. "It could have been worse though."
"How could THAT possibly be worse?"
"Had it been the night before," Josh said, "I'd be dead!"
Josh was helping Sally, the blonde, clean out the trunk of her car. Inside, he noticed a bag labeled "Emergency Repair Kit". Looking at it a little closer, he noticed a stick of dynamite inside. Thinking that was a bit strange, he asked Sally what it was for. She said, "It's part of my emergency repair kit." Josh said, "I can see that, but why?" Sally replied, "In case I have a flat and need to blow up one of my tires."
One day, Josh went over to Ben's to have a look at the small yacht he was selling. Ben had it on dry land because it had a small gash in its keel. But other then that, what a fine yacht it was....a mahogany deck, the latest in navigational gears, including a state of the art fish-finder. Ben wanted just $5,000 for it and assured Josh he would even have the keel repaired himself.
Well, Josh needed time to think it over so off he went fishing. He took his small aluminum boat out into the bay and it wasn't 5 minutes later, when he got his first bite. He pulled his line in and found he had caught a nice-sized cod. As he was taking the hook out, the fish spoke to him:
Fish: "Please release me, let me go. I am the last of my species and if you put me back in the water, I will grant you a wish."
Josh thought for a second and then said, "I wish this here small boat of mine, was a small yacht just like Ben's."
The following day, Josh was found clinging to a more...
The Indian Top 10:
1. Tears on My Pillau.
2. Its my chappalti and I'll cry if I want to.
3. Tikka Chance on Me.
5. Korma Korma Chameleon.
6. What's the Story Morning Tandoori.
7. Easy like Sanjay Morning.
8. You Can't Curry Love.
9. Poppadum Preach.
10. Sheikh Your Body. All available on the fantastic new album, Turban Hymns by Donner Summer.
Bohemian Curry (sung to the tune of Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen)
Naan-aa, just killed a man
Poppadom against his head
Had lime pickle, now he's dead.
Naan-aa, dinner just begun
But now I'm going to crap it all away.
Didn't mean to make you cry,
Seen nothin' yet just see the loo tomorrow,
Curry on, Curry on,
'cause nothing really madras.
Too late, my dinner's gone
Sends shivers up my spine
Rectum aching all the time.
Goodbye every bhaji, I've got to go
Gotta leave you all behind and use the more...