Hockey Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Baseball

    Hot 7 years ago

    Two boys were playing hockey on the pond on Boston Common, when one is attacked by a vicious Rottweiler. Thinking quickly, the other boy took his hockey stick and managed to wedge it down the dog's collar and twist, luckily breaking the dog's neck and stopping the attach.
    A reporter who was strolling by sees the incident, and rushes over to interview the boy. "Young Bruins Fan Saves friend from Vicious Animal..." he starts writing in his notebook. "But, I'm not a Bruins Fan", the little hero replied. "Sorry, since we're in Boston, I just assumed you were", said the reporter and starts again. "Red Sox Fan Rescues Friend from Horrific attack..." he continues to write in his notebook. "I'm not a Red Sox fan either!" The boy said. "I assumed everyone in Boston was either a Bruins or Red Sox fan. So, what team do you root for? the reporter asked. "I'm a Yankees fan!" the child beamed. The reporter starts a new sheet in more...

    Bill Gates Perspective

    Hot 4 years ago

    Examine Bill Gates' wealth compared to yours: Consider the average American of reasonable but modest wealth. Perhaps he has a net worth of $100,000. Mr. Gates' worth is 400,000 times larger. Which means that if something costs $100,000 to Joe Average, to Bill it's as though it costs 25 cents. You can work out the right multiplier for your own net worth.So for example, you might think a new Lamborghini Diablo would cost $250,000, but in Bill Gates dollars that's 63 cents.That fully loaded, multimedia active matrix 233 MHZ laptop with the 1024x768 screen you've been drooling after? A penny.A nice home in a rich town Palo Alto, California? Two dollars.That nice mansion he's building? A reasonable $125 to him.You might spend $100 on tickets, food and parking to take your family to see an NHL hockey game. Bill, on the other hand, could buy the team for 100 Bill- bills.You might buy a plane ticket on a Boeing 747 for $1200 at full-fare coach. In Bill-bills, Mr.. Gates could buy three 747s. more...

    Be Kind

    Hot 7 years ago

    Bumper sticker: BE KIND TO ANIMALS. HUG A HOCKEY PLAYER.

    · Aussies: Dislike being mistaken for Pommies (Brits) when abroad.
    · Canadians: Are rather indignant about being mistaken for Americans when abroad.
    · Americans: Encourage being mistaken for Canadians when abroad.
    · Brits: Can't possibly be mistaken for anyone else when abroad.
    · Aussies: Believe you should look out for your mates.
    · Brits: Believe that you should look out for those people who belong to your club.
    · Americans: Believe that people should look out for & take care of themselves.
    · Canadians: Believe that that's the government's job.
    · Aussies: Are extremely patriotic to their beer.
    · Americans: Are flag-waving, anthem singing, and obsessively patriotic to the point of blindness.
    · Canadians: Can't agree on the words to their anthem, when they can be bothered to sing them.
    · Brits: Do not sing at all but prefer a large brass band to perform the anthem.
    · Aussies: Export all their crappy programs, which no-one more...

    · Aussies: Dislike being mistaken for Pommies (Brits) when abroad.
    · Canadians: Are rather indignant about being mistaken for Americans when abroad.
    · Americans: Encourage being mistaken for Canadians when abroad.
    · Brits: Can't possibly be mistaken for anyone else when abroad.
    · Aussies: Believe you should look out for your mates.
    · Brits: Believe that you should look out for those people who belong to your club.
    · Americans: Believe that people should look out for & take care of themselves.
    · Canadians: Believe that that's the government's job.
    · Aussies: Are extremely patriotic to their beer.
    · Americans: Are flag-waving, anthem singing, and obsessively patriotic to the point of blindness.
    · Canadians: Can't agree on the words to their anthem, when they can be bothered to sing them.
    · Brits: Do not sing at all but prefer a large brass band to perform the anthem.
    · Aussies: Export all their crappy programs, which no-one more...

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