John Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man who thought he was John the Baptist was disturbing the neighborhood, so for public safety, he was committed.
He was put in a room with another crazy and immediately began his routine, "I am John The Baptist! Jesus Christ has sent me!"
The other guy looks at him and declares, "I did not!"

Angie and John were in court after deciding their divorce when the problem of 'who gets to keep the kid' started to arise. Angie exclaimed that the child was hers since she could take care of the kid better than her 'wretched' husband.
But the judge wanted to hear John's reason of why he should keep the baby. After thinking for sometime, John said, "Your honor, let me ask you a question: if you put a dollar inside a vending machine and a coke comes out, does this coke belong to you or does it belong to the vending machine?"

Once president BUSH went to a school. After have a brief talk with
the children he asked them if they had any questions to ask him.

One boy raised his hand and stood up.

Bush: whats your name

John: john

Bush: whats your question

Johm: sir I have three questions


1) why did America attack iraq without the approval of UNO

2) where is osama

3) why do America support Pakistan so much



Bush: you are an intelligent student john..(just then the bell for
recess rang).

oh dear students we will continue after the recess is over.


After the recess

Bush: ok children where were we? Yes, so anybody wants to ask any
question?

Peter raises his hand

Bush: Whats your name?

Peter: sir I have 5 questions.

1) why did America attack iraq without the approval of UNO

2) where is more...

After years of psychotherapy, John no longer believeshe is a grain of wheat. However, one day he and afriend came across a chicken, and John was terrified." Why are you so afraid, you're not a grainof wheat after all," his friend asked. John replied, "You know it and I know it, but the chicken doesn't know it." Sent by Marc

A farmer walked into an attorney's office wanting to file for a
divorce. The attorney asked, "May I help you?" The farmer said,
"Yea, I want to get one of those dayvorce's."
The attorney said, "well do you have any grounds?" The farmer
said, "Yea, I got about 140 acres." The attorney said, " No, you
don't understand, do you have a case?" The farmer said, "No, I
don't have a Case, but I have a John Deere."
The attorney said, "No you don't understand, I mean do you have
a grudge?" The farmer said, "Yea I got a grudge, that's where I
park my John Deere." The attorney said, "No sir, I mean do you
have a suit?"
The farmer said, "Yes sir, I got a suit. I wear th to church on
Sundays."
The exasperated attorney said, "Well sir, does your
wife beat you up or anything?"
The farmer said, "No sir, we both get up about more...

The Master of the house is comfortably installed in an armchair in the library, reading a newspaper.Suddenly, John, his butler rips the door open and shouts, "Sir, the Thames is flooding the streets!"The Master looks up calmly from the newspaper and says, "John, please. I have already told you before, if you do have something important to tell me, first knock on the door, then enter and inform me, in a quiet and civilised manner, about the issue. Now please, do so."John apologises and closes the door behind him. Three seconds later, the Master hears a knock on the door."Yes?"John partially enters the room and with a gesture one would make when welcoming and ushering in somebody and water flowing over his shoes, he announced, "Sir, the Thames."

John Smith was the only Protestant to move into a large Catholic neighborhood. On the first Friday of Lent, John was outside grilling a big juicy steak on his grill.
Meanwhile, all of his neighbors were eating cold tuna fish for supper. This went on each Friday of Lent. On the last Friday of Lent, the neighborhood men got together and decided that something had to be done about John. He was tempting them to eat meat each Friday of Lent, and they couldn't take it anymore.
They decided to try and convert John to Catholicism.
They went over and talked to him. John decided to join all of his neighbors and become a Catholic, which made them all very happy.
They took him to church, and the priest sprinkled some water over him, and said, "You were born a Baptist, you were raised a Baptist, and now you are a Catholic."
The men were so relieved, now their biggest Lenten temptation was resolved.
The next year's Lenten season rolled around. The first Friday of more...