Jerky Jokes

Chuck Norris eats beef jerky and craps gunpowder. Then, he uses that gunpowder to make a bullet, which he uses to kill a cow and make more beef jerky. Some people refer to this as the "Circle of Life."
If, by some incredible space-time paradox, Chuck Norris would ever fight himself, he'd win. Period.
Chuck Norris is currently suing myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.
The crossing lights in Chuck Norris's home town say "Die slowly" and "die quickly". They each have a picture of Chuck Norris punching or kicking a pedestrian.
Science Fact: Roundhouse kicks are comprised primarily of an element called Chucktanium.
The Sherman tank was originaly called the Norris tank until Chuck Norris decided it wasn't tough enough to be associated with him. The Army, for fear of Chuck Norris, renamed the tank and promised to develop a weapon more fitting of his name. To date, no weapon created has been badass enough to be more...

1) Cover your stump before you hump
2) Before you attack her, wrap your whacker
3) Don't be silly, protect your Willie
4) When in doubt shroud you spout
5) Don't be a loner, cover your boner
6) You can't go wrong, if you shield your dong
7) If your not going to sack it, go home and whack it
8) If you think she's spunky, cover your monkey
9) It will be sweeter if you wrap your peter
10) If you slip between her thighs, condomize
11) She won't get sick if you wrap your dick
12) If you go into heat, package your meat
13) While your undressing Venus, dress up your penis
14) When you take off her pants and blouse, suit up your mouse
15) Especially in December, gift wrap your member
16) Never ever deck her, with an unwrapped pecker
17) Don't be a fool, vulcanize your tool
18) The right selection, is to protect your erection
19) Wrap it in foil, before you check her oil
20) A crank with armor, will never harm more...

Caption Contest:

If this scene went Gilbert & Sullivan:
Starts with palsied kid singing:
"I'm a palsied kid at a table
trying to eat a turkey
But really I'm unable
Right here in Albuquerque
For my hands are so unstable
and my mind's a little murkey
Too bad it's not beef jerky"
The Chorus:
"Too bad it's not beef jerky
too bad it's not beef jerky
He's from Albuquerque
In New Mex-i-co, New Mex-i-co
trying to eat a turkey
But he's just too herky-jerky
Yes, he cannot eat a turkey
'cause he's just too herky-jerky"
And then, as with all good Gilbert & Sullivan, the bananas in the background start dancing and singing:
"We're a bunch of bananas from Paraguay
They said "Come to America" we said "No way!"
But here we are and we must say
You better eat us now or we turning black
And once we do, we never get out credit back
You better eat us now or more...