Good evening ladies", Sherlock Holmes said as he passed three women eating bananas on a park bench.
"Do you know them?" Dr. Watson asked. "No", Holmes replied, "I've never met the nun, the prostitute or the bride we just passed."
"Good Lord, Holmes, how in the world did you know all that?"
"Elementary, my dear Watson. The nun ate the banana by holding it one hand and using the fingers of the other hand to properly break the fruit into small pieces."
"The prostitute", he continued, "grabbed with both hands and crammed the whole thing into her mouth."
"Amazing!" Watson exclaimed. "But how did you know the third was a newlywed?"
"Because she held it one hand and pushed her head toward it with the other."
A man found himself, he knew not how, swept up on the shore of an island. There was nothing else anywhere to be seen. No person, no supplies, nothing. The man looked around. There were some bananas and coconuts, but that was it. He was desperate, and forlorn, but decided to make the best of it.
For the next four months he ate bananas, drank coconut juice and mostly looked to the sea for a ship to come to his rescue. One day, as he was lying on the beach stroking his beard and looking for a ship, he spotted movement out of the corner of his eye. Could it be true, was it a ship? No, from around the corner of the island came a rowboat. In it was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen - or at least in last 4 months. She was tall, tanned, and her blonde hair flowed in the sea breeze.
He watched as she rowed her boat toward him.
As she arrived at the beach, he asked, "Where did you come from, how did you get here"?
She said, "I rowed from the other side of more...
As part of the hospital's admission procedure, patients are asked if they are allergic to anything. If so, it's printed on an allergy band placed on the patient's wrist.
When an elderly woman was being admitted, she was asked if she had any allergies and she said she couldn't eat bananas.
Several hours later, the elderly woman's son stormed over to the nurses' station, demanding, "Who's reponsible for labelling my mother 'bananas'?"
Bananas are better than MEN because...
~You don t mind swallowing a banana.
~Bananas are always stiff.
~Bananas don t kno how to fart.
~A bananas only purpose is to satisfy you.
~No one cares if you have 2 bananas in bed with you at the same time.
~Another woman will NEVER try to steal YOUR banana
~Bananas can last the whole night through.
~Even the smallest bananas are AT LEAST 8 in.long.
Patient: Doctor, you've gotta help me. I eat apples, apples later come out into the toilet. I eat bananas, bananas come out."
Doctor: That's easy. Eat shit!