Bananas Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Eating Bananas

    Hot 5 years ago

    Good evening ladies", Sherlock Holmes said as he passed three women eating bananas on a park bench.
    "Do you know them?" Dr. Watson asked. "No", Holmes replied, "I've never met the nun, the prostitute or the bride we just passed."
    "Good Lord, Holmes, how in the world did you know all that?"
    "Elementary, my dear Watson. The nun ate the banana by holding it one hand and using the fingers of the other hand to properly break the fruit into small pieces."
    "The prostitute", he continued, "grabbed with both hands and crammed the whole thing into her mouth."
    "Amazing!" Watson exclaimed. "But how did you know the third was a newlywed?"
    "Because she held it one hand and pushed her head toward it with the other."

    Bad Conductor

    Hot 2 years ago

    The world's best and most famous conductor makes a small mistake while conducting the New York Symphony Orchestra. The audience didn't notice, the orchestra didn't notice either, but he knew he'd made the mistake and decided that he should retire. Once the performance had finished, he turned and faced the audience and said "Ladies and Gentleman, this is my last performance as a world class conductor. I'm now announcing my retirement."
    After a few minutes silence from the shocked audience, and orchestra too, he was greeted with boos and hisses. He walked from the stage, only to be met by his manager, standing in between two gorilla-sized bodyguards. "Oh no you don't", his manager said, "you're not retiring."
    Forced backed to work by his manager, he endured week after week of conducting he no longer wanted to do. While lying in bed one night with his wife of many years, he turned to her and said "Dear, would you be able to get me a small more...

    U.S.VISA

    Hot 2 years ago

    (A sad story of a lion>. .>. ..> )
    In a poor zoo of India, a lion was frustrated as he was offered not more than 1 kg meat a day.
    The lion thought its prayers were answered when one U. S. Zoo Manager visited the zoo and requested the zoo management to shift the lion to the U. S. Zoo.
    The lion was so happy and started thinking of a central A/c environment, a goat or two every day and a U. S. Green Card also.
    On its first day after arrival, the lion was offered a big bag, sealed very nicely for breakfast. The lion opened it quickly but was shocked to see that it contained few
    bananas.
    Then the lion thought that may be they cared too much for him as they were worried about his stomach as he had recently shifted from India.
    The next day the same thing happened. On the third day again the same food bag of bananas was delivered.
    The lion was so furious, it stopped the delivery boy and blasted at him,'Don't you know I am the lion... king of the more...

    Stranded Engineer

    Hot 1 year ago

    There was this male engineer, on a cruise ship in the Caribbean for the first time. It was wonderful, the experience of his life. He was being waited on hand and foot. But, it did not last. A Hurricane came up unexpectedly. The ship went down almost instantly. The man found himself, he knew not how, swept up on the shore of an island. There was nothing else anywhere to be seen. No person, no supplies, nothing. The man looked around. There were some bananas and coconuts, but that was it. He was desperate, and forlorn, but decided to make the best of it. So for the next four months he ate bananas, drank coconut juice and mostly looked to the sea mightily for a ship to come to his rescue. One day, as he was lying on the beach stroking his beard and looking for a ship, he spotted movement out of the corner of his eye. Could it be true, was it a ship? No, from around the corner of the island came this rowboat. In it was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen, or at least seen in 4 more...

    As part of the hospital's admission procedure, patients are asked if they are allergic to anything. If so, it's printed on an allergy band placed on the patient's wrist.
    When an elderly woman was being admitted, she was asked if she had any allergies and she said she couldn't eat bananas.
    Several hours later, the elderly woman's son stormed over to the nurses' station, demanding, "Who's reponsible for labelling my mother 'bananas'?"

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