A Russian is strolling down the street in Moscow and kicks a
bottle laying in the street. Suddenly out of the bottle comes
The Russian is stunned and the Genie says, "Hello Master, I
will grant you one wish, anything that you want."
The Russian begins thinking, "Well I really like drinking
vodka." Finally the Russian says, "I wish to drink vodka
whenever I want, so make me piss vodka."
The Genie grants him his wish. When the Russian gets home
he gets a glass out of the cupboard and pisses into it. He
looks at the glass and it's clear. Looks like vodka. Then he
smells the liquid. Smells like vodka. So he takes a test and
it is the best vodka
that he has ever tasted.
The Russian yells to his wife, "Natasha, Natasha, come
She comes running down the hall and the Russian takes
another glass out of the cupboard and pisses into it. He
tells her to drink, that it more...
Two old people, a man and a woman, walk into a hospital. The doctor says to the old man, "I'll need a urine sample, a feces sample, and a blood sample." The old man says, "What?" So the doctor says it again. Once again the old man says, "what?" So the doctor yells it, "I NEED A URINE SAMPLE, A FECES SAMPLE, AND A BLOOD SAMPLE!" With that the old woman turns to the old man and says, "He needs a pair of your underwear!"
Should crematoriums give discounts for burn victims?
A man walked into a hotel and asked for a room. The guy behind the counter said there is only one room left but it is haunted. The man does not believe this so he gets the room. That night the man hears a voice saying "I'm gonna find you, I'm gonna get you, I'm gonna eat you!" The man runs away scared.
The next day a father and his daughter get the room after they were warned. That night they hear "I'm gonna find you, I'm gonna get you, I'm gonna eat you!" The girl hides under the bed as the father follows the sound to the closet. He opens the door.
There on the floor sits a little boy, picking his nose, saying "I'm gonna find you, I'm gonna get you, I'm gonna eat you!"
I recall my first time with a condom, I was 16 or so. I went in to buy a package of condoms. There was a beautiful woman behind the counter, and she could see that I was new at it. She handed me the package and asked, if I knew how to wear one.
I honestly answered, "No."
So she unwrapped the package, took one out and slipped over her thumb, She cautioned me to make sure it was on tight and secure. I apparently still looked confused. So she looked all around the store. It was empty.
"Just a minute," she said, and walked to the door, and locked it.
Taking my hand, she led me into the back room, unbuttoned her blouse removed it. She unhooked her bra and laid it aside. "Do these excite you?" she asked.
Well, I was so dumb-struck that all I could do was nod my head. She then said, it was time to slip the condom on. As I was slipping it on, she dropped her skirt, removed her panties and laid down on a desk.
"Well, come on", she more...