Jefferson Jokes / Recent Jokes

One night, George W. Bush is awakened by George Washington's ghost in the White House. Bush asks: "George, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?"
"Set an honest and honorable example, just as I did," Washington advises.
The next night, the ghost of Thomas Jefferson moves through the dark bedroom. "Tom," George asks, "what is the best thing I could do to help the country?"
"Cut taxes and reduce the size of government," Jefferson advises.
Bush isn't sleeping well the next night, and sees another figure moving in the shadows. It's Abraham Lincoln's ghost. "Abe, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?" Bush asks. Abe answers flatly, "Go see a play."

One night, George W. Bush is awakened by George Washington's ghost in
the White House. Bush asks, "George, what is the best thing I could do
to help the country?"
"Set an honest and honorable example, just as I did," Washington
advises.
The next night, the ghost of Thomas Jefferson moves through the dark
bedroom. "Tom," W asks, "what is the best thing I could do to help the
country?"
"Cut taxes and reduce the size of government," Jefferson advises.
Bush isn't sleeping well the next night, and sees another figure
moving in the shadows. It's Abraham Lincoln's ghost. "Abe, what is the
best thing I could do to help the country?" Bush asks.
Abe answers, "Go see a play."

One night, George W. Bush was awakened by the ghost of George Washington.
Bush asked, "George, now that I have been elected President, what is the best thing I can do for the country?"
"Set an honest and honorable example, just as I did," advised Washington.
The next night, Bush was awakened by the ghost of Thomas Jefferson.
"Tom, now that I am elected President, what is the best thing I can do for the country?" asked Bush.
"Cut taxes and reduce the size of government," Jefferson advised.
The next night, Bush saw another figure moving in the shadows. This time it was the ghost of Abraham Lincoln.
"Abe, now that I have been elected President, what is the best thing I can do for the country?" asked Bush.
"Go to the theatre!" Abe replied.

Clinton, Jefferson, and Lincoln were on the Titanic with their wives. When it started sinking, Clinton grabbed the other two men and they all got onto a life boat.

Jefferson says to them, "Should wait for the women?"

Lincoln replies, "Ah, screw em!"

Clinton then says, "Do you think we'll have time?"

The AP reported that Minnesota Congressman Keith Ellison chose to use Thomas Jefferson’s Koran “because it showed that a visionary like Jefferson believed that wisdom could be gleaned from many sources.”
Of course, had Ellison lived when Jefferson did, Jefferson would have owned him.
Meanwhile, all that stuff about Muslims being the new black man doesn't make any sense to me. If Muslims are the new black man, why are so many black men, like Ellison, converting to Islam? Because they don’t feel black enough? Because they want to get in on the Muslims’ lucrative African slave trade?
Regardless, it’s nice to see Ellison respecting the founding father. After all, Jefferson may very well be his great-great grandfather.

Mr. Jefferson: Gentlemen, the summer grows hot, and it is essential that we complete this declaration of independence.

Mr. Franklin: Wait a minute, Thomas. I have to reboot here.

Mr. Jefferson: That's all right, Ben. We'll go on without you. Has everyone had a chance to look at the draft I posted yesterday?

Mr. Sherman: Not yet, Thomas, I've been having Notes replication problems.

Mr. Adams: Here, Roger, I brought a hard copy.

Mr. Sherman: Thanks, Saaaaay, nice font.

Mr. Adams: Do you like it? I downloaded it off Colonies Online just last week.

Mr. Jefferson: Gentlemen! There is work to be done. I fear our document will soon leak out.

Mr. Livingston: Too late, Thomas. There's already a bootleg circulating. I saw it posted on alt.georgeIII.sucks last night.

Mr. Adams: Ben, you might try upgrading to Windows 75. It solved that problem for me.

Mr. Sherman: Thomas, the part here more...

*Panama hats come from Ecuador not Panama.

*Human birth control pills work on gorillas.

*In England, the Speaker of the House is not allowed to speak.

*S. O. S. doesn't stand for "Save Our Ship" or "Save Our Souls" -- It was chosen by an 1908 international conference on Morse Code because the letters S and O were easy to remember and just about anyone could key it and read it, S = dot dot dot, O = dash dash dash.

*Crickets hear through their knees.

*A' jiffy' is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second.

*The average person falls asleep in seven minutes.

*Heroin is the brand name of morphine once marketed by Bayer.

*U. S. Interstates which go north-south are numbered sequentially starting from the west with odd numbers, and Interstates which go east-west are numbered sequentially starting from the south with even numbers.

*According to Genesis 1: 20-22 the more...