Document Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Always walk with a document in your hands:
    People with documents in their hands look like hardworking employees heading for important meetings. People with nothing in their hands look like they're heading for the cafeteria. Those with a newspaper in their hands look like they're heading for the bathroom. Above all, make certain you carry loads of stuff home with you at night. This will generate the false impression that you work longer hours than you do.
    Use computers to look busy:
    Any time you use a computer, it looks like 'work' to the casual observer. You can send/receive personal email, chat and generally have a blast without doing anything remotely related to work. These are not exactly the societal benefits that the proponents of the computer revolution would like to talk about but they aren't bad either. When you get caught by the boss, and you *will* get caught, your best defense is to claim you're teaching yourself to use new software, thus saving valuable more...

    Q: My Etch-A-Sketch has all of these funny little lines all over the screen.
    A: Pick it up and shake it.
    Q: How do I turn my Etch-A-Sketch off?
    A: Pick it up and shake it.
    Q: What's the shortcut for Undo?
    A: Pick it up and shake it.
    Q: How do I create a New Document window?
    A: Pick it up and shake it.
    Q: How do I set the background and foreground to the same color?
    A: Pick it up and shake it.
    Q: What is the proper procedure for rebooting my Etch-A-Sketch?
    A: Pick it up and shake it.
    Q: How do I delete a document on my Etch-A-Sketch?
    A: Pick it up and shake it.
    Q: How do I save my Etch-A-Sketch document?
    A: Don't shake it.

    Floppy disk care

    Hot 5 years ago

    # Never leave diskettes in the disk drive, as data can leak out of the disk and corrode the inner mechanics of the drive. Diskettes should be rolled up and stored in pencil holders.
    # Diskettes should be cleaned and waxed once a week. Microscopic metal particles can be removed by waving a powerful magnet over the surface of the disk. Any stubborn metallic shavings can be removed with scouring powder and soap. When waxing the diskettes, make sure the surface is even. This will allow the diskette to spin faster, resulting in better access time.
    # Do not fold diskettes unless they do not fit into the drive. "Big" diskettes may be folded and used in "little" disk drives.
    # Never insert a diskette into the drive upside down. The data can fall off the surface of the disk and jam the intricate mechanics of the drive.
    # Diskettes cannot be backed up by running them through the xerox machine. If your data is going to need to be backed up, simply insert more...

    1. Never leave diskettes in the disk drive, as data can leak out of the disk and corrode the inner mechanics of the drive. Diskettes should be rolled up and stored in pencil holders.
    2. Diskettes should be cleaned and waxed once a week. Microscopic metal particles can be removed by waving a powerful magnet over the surface of the disk. Any stubborn metallic shavings can be removed with scouring powder and soap. When waxing the diskettes, make sure the surface is even. This will allow the diskette to spin faster, resulting in better access time.
    3. Do not fold diskettes unless they do not fit into the drive. "Big" diskettes may be folded and used in "little" disk drives.
    4. Never insert a diskette into the drive upside down. The data can fall off the surface of the disk and jam the intricate mechanics of the drive.
    5. Diskettes cannot be backed up by running them through the xerox machine. If your data is going to need to be backed up, simply insert more...

    36. Bring in a bunch of magnets and have fun.
    37. When doing calculations, pull out an abacus and say that sometimes the old ways are best.
    38. Play Pong for hours on the most powerful computer in the lab.
    39. Make a loud noise of hitting the same key over and over again until you see that your neighbor is noticing (You can hit the space bar so your fill isn't affected). Then look at your neighbor's keyboard. Hit his/her delete key several times, erasing an entire word. While you do this, ask: "Does *your* delete key work?" Shake your head, and resume hitting the space bar on your keyboard. Keep doing this until you've deleted about a page of your neighbor's document. Then, suddenly exclaim: "Well, whaddya know? I've been hitting the space bar this whole time. No wonder it wasn't deleting! Ha!" Print out your document and leave.
    40. Remove your disk from the drive and hide it. Go to the lab monitor and complain that your computer ate your disk. (For more...

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