Jean-claude Jokes

Two French brothers were in England, visiting long-lost relatives, their English cousins. Having high tea with Lady Windham, Pierre was making chit-chat: "Tell us about your children, dear cousin."
"Oh," said the Englishwoman, "alas, I have no children."
"I see," piped in Jean-Claude, "you are FRUITLESS."
Seeing the expression on Lady Windham's face, Pierre said, "I think that the proper term is UNBEARABLE."
"Non, non," corrected Jean-Claude, "I've got it now: she's IMPREGNABLE."
The lady winced, and Pierre said, "Perhaps the word we're looking for is INSURMOUNTABLE"
"Voila! I have it," exclaimed Jean-Claude, our dear cousin in INSCRUTABLE!"

On Tough Jobs that Involve Letters: “It’s not as easy as it looks, being on all the time. I mean, what happens if I’m in a bad mood? ” – Vanna White, “Wheel of Fortune” co-star

On Standards, the Mega-Rich and: “I’d rather not talk about money. It’s kind of gross. ” – Barbra Streisand, dodging a question about what she was paid to direct and star in The Mirror Has Two Faces

On Disco Music, Importance of: “God had to create disco music so that I could be born and be successful. ” – Donna Summer, disco singer

On Giving It Your All: “I think we played hard, but it was a lackadaisical hard. ” – New Jersey Nets guard Otis Birdsong on why his team had lost an NBA contest

On Hostage-Taking, Fun For All: “[Being taken hostage is] an adventure for the tourist, because the tourist will end up learning about the customs of the tribes as well as their good hospitality. ” – Abdullah Ahmar, speaker of Yemeni more...

On Tough Jobs that Involve Letters: It's not as easy as it looks, being on all the time. I mean, what happens if I'm in a bad mood?
-- Vanna White, Wheel of Fortune co-star On Standards, the Mega-Rich and: I'd rather not talk about money. It's kind of gross.
-- Barbra Streisand, dodging a question about what she was paid to direct and star in The Mirror Has Two Faces On Disco Music, Importance of: God had to create disco music so that I could be born and be successful.

-- Donna Summer, disco singer On Giving It Your All: I think we played hard, but it was a lackadaisical hard.

-- New Jersey Nets guard Otis Birdsong on why his team had lost an NBA contest On Hostage-Taking, Fun For All: [Being taken hostage is] an adventure for the tourist, because the tourist will end up learning about the customs of the tribes as well as their good hospitality.

-- Abdullah Ahmar, speaker of Yemeni parliament, on the practice of taking foreign visitors more...

Jean-Claude and Michelle are a couple living in France. One day, Jean- Claude comes home from work and Michelle says: "Jean-Claude, today ze light-bulb, it has gone out. You must fix it for me." "What am I? Electricien?" The next day, Jean-Claude comes home from work and Michelle says: "Jean-Claude, today ze carpet eet eez dirty, you must beat eet for me." "What am I? Carpet-beater?" The very next day, Jean-Claude comes home from work and Michele says: "Oh, Jean-Claude, today your friend Pierre came over. He changed ze light-bulb and he beat ze carpet for me." Jean-Claude seemed angry: "Oh, but I know zis Pierre. He never does anysing for nossing. What did he want?" "He gave me 2 choices: he said I can bake him a cake or... sleep wiss heem." "Which one did you choose?" "What am I? Baker?"