Issy Jokes

The son-in-law
Issy goes to meet his new son-in-law to be, Benjy.
He says to Benjy, "So nu, tell me Benjy my boy, what do you do?"
"I study the Torah," he replies.
"But Benjy, you are going to marry my daughter, how are going to feed and house her?"
"No problem," says Benjy, "I study Torah and it says God will provide."
"But you will have children, how will you educate them?" asks Issy.
"No problem," says Benjy, "I study Torah and it says God will provide."
When Issy returns home, his wife anxiously asks him what Benjy is like.
"Well," says Issy, "he`s a lovely boy. I only just met him and he already thinks I`m God."

The loan
Issy walks into a central London bank and says he`s going to America for two weeks and needs to borrow £5,000.
For collateral, he offers his new Rolls Royce. The bank is satisfied and parks it in their secured underground garage.
Two weeks later to the day, Issy returns to the bank and repays the £5,000 plus interest of £9.41
The loan officer says inquiringly, "Sir, we were delighted to have your business but checking your credit, we learned you are a multimillionaire. Why ever did you need to borrow £5,000?"
"Where else in central London could I park my car for two weeks for £9.41

It’s obvious
Issy and Jacob are walking down Golders Green High Street when it starts to rain, and in no time at all, it’s raining quite hard. Luckily, Issy is carrying an umbrella.
"Nu," says Jacob. "So when are you going to open the umbrella?"
"It won`t do us any good," says Issy. "It`s full of holes."
"So why then did you bring it?" replies Jacob.
"Because," Issy says with shrug, "I didn`t think it would rain."

Taking it all with you
Issy was a rich man who was near death. He was very grieved because he had worked very hard for his money and wanted to be able to take it with him to heaven. So Issy begins to pray.
An angel hears his plea and says to him, "I`m sorry, but you can`t take your wealth with you."
Issy implores the angel to speak to God to see if he might bend the rules. He said he would try. In the meantime, Issy continues to pray.
When the angel reappears, he informs Issy that God has decided to allow him to take one suitcase with him. Overjoyed, Issy gathers his largest suitcase and fills it with pure gold bars and places it beside his bed. Soon afterward he dies and shows up at the Gates of Heaven.
The angel Gabriel, seeing the suitcase, says, "Hold on, you can`t bring that in here."
Issy explains that he has permission and suggests he verify his story with God.
Gabriel checks and says, "You`re right. You`re allowed one more...

Issy had received no work for six months. So he went to his agent and told him he needed work badly. His agent said, "There's no call for ventriloquists, but there's plenty of work for psychics." So Issy went home and hung a psychic sign outside his house. Within an hour, a woman knocks on the door and says, "I want to talk to my deceased Bernie. How much will it cost me?" Issy replies, "If you just talk to him, $50. If he talks to you, a bit more, $75. But if you talk to each other while I'm drinking a glass of water, that will be $150."