Submitted by Darcy
Twice a week a Belgian riding a bicycle crossed the German border and he always carried a suitcase filled with sand.
Each time the customs officials searched his suitcase for contraband, but always in vain.
Sometimes they even emptied all the sand out, expecting to find some illegal item.
They racked their brains but never found anything untoward.
It was many years later, long after the Belgian had vanished from the scene, that they learned the truth.
He had been smuggling bicycles.
There once was a rich man who was near death. He was very grieved because he had worked so hard for his money and wanted to be able to take it with him to heaven. So he began to pray that he might be able to take some of his wealth with him.
An angel heard his plea and appeared to him. "Sorry, but you can't take your wealth with you."
The man begged the angel to speak to God to see if He might bend the rules. The man continued to pray that his wealth could follow him.
The angel reappeared and informed the man that God had decided to allow him to take one suitcase with him. Overjoyed, the man gathered his largest suitcase and filled it with pure gold bars and placed it beside his bed.
Soon afterward, he died and showed up at the gates of heaven to greet St. Peter.
St. Peter, seeing the suitcase, said, "Hold on, you can't bring that in here!"
The man explained to St. Peter that he had permission and asked him to verify his story with the more...
A man walks into his bedroom and sees his wife packing a suitcase. He says, "What are you doing?"
She answers, "I'm moving to Las Vegas. I heard prostitutes there get paid $400 for doing what I do for you for free!"
Later that night on her way out the wife walks into the bedroom and sees her husband packing his suitcase.
When she asks him where he's going, he replies, "I'm going to Vegas too. I want to see you live on $800 a year!"
A young man was heading home to spend the holidays with his parents. When he got to the airline counter, he presented his ticket to Chicago. He then gave the agent his luggage and said, "I'd like you to send my red suitcase to Bermuda and my green suitcase to London."
"I'm sorry, sir, but we can't do that," replied the confused agent.
"Really??" replied the young man. "Well, I'm very relieved to hear you say that... because that's exactly what you did to my luggage last year!"
Preparing for her wedding night, the bride-to-be asked her mother to go out and buy her a sexy, long, black negligee and place it carefully in her suitcase so it wouldn't get wrinkled. Her mother forgot, so at the last minute dashed out, but all she could find was a short pink nighty. She bought it, rushed home and quickly threw it in her daughter's suitcase.
After the wedding, the newlyweds went to their hotel room. The groom was very self-conscious so he asked his bride to change in the bathroom and promise not to peek while he got himself ready for bed.
Agreeing, the bride went into the bathroom, opened her suitcase and saw the negligee her mother had thrown in it. "Oh no," she shrieked, "it's short, pink and wrinkled!"
"Honey, you promised not to peek!" the groom exclaimed.