Internal Jokes / Recent Jokes

If Microsoft Ran The IRS "Government should be run like a business." We've all heard that chestnut. Here is how the Internal Revenue Service (nobody's favorite government agency) would be like, if only it were run like Microsoft Corp. (a successful private enterprise). -- The IRS, as always, announces new tax forms will be mailed the week before the new year. However it will follow Microsoft's example and actually ship them the following May. -- Responding to pressure from some large corporations and a users' group, some early copies of the tax forms will actually be released in March. The recipients must sign non-disclosure agreements. -- In June, the forms will be recalled because the IRS loses a suit for appropriating some other country's intellectual property. -- When you move, the IRS will continue to send mail to your previous address forevermore, just like Microsoft sends its product upgrade notices. -- When you upgrade from form 1040 EZ to 1040 A, and then to 1040, more...

If Microsoft Ran The IRS

"Government should be run like a business." We`ve all heard that chestnut. Here is how the Internal Revenue Service (nobody`s favorite government agency) would be like, if only it were run like Microsoft Corp. (a successful private enterprise).

-- The IRS, as always, announces new tax forms will be mailed the week before the new year. However it will follow Microsoft`s example and actually ship them the following May.

-- Responding to pressure from some large corporations and a users` group, some early copies of the tax forms will actually be released in March. The recipients must sign non-disclosure agreements.

-- In June, the forms will be recalled because the IRS loses a suit for appropriating some other country`s intellectual property.

-- When you move, the IRS will continue to send mail to your previous address forevermore, just like Microsoft sends its product upgrade notices.

-- more...

"Government should be run like a business." We've all
heard that chestnut. Here is how the Internal Revenue
Service (nobody's favorite government agency) would be
like, if only it were run like Microsoft Corp. (a
successful private enterprise).
The IRS, as always, announces new tax forms will be
mailed the week before the new year. However it will
follow Microsoft's example and actually ship them the
following May.
Responding to pressure from some large corporations and
a users' group, some early copies of the tax forms will
actually be released in March. The recipients must
sign non-disclosure agreements.
In June, the forms will be recalled because the IRS
loses a suit for appropriating some other country's
intellectual property.
When you move, the IRS will continue to send mail to
your previous address forevermore, just like Microsoft
sends its product upgrade notices.
When you upgrade from form more...

"Government should be run like a business." We've all heard that chestnut. Here is how the Internal Revenue Service (nobody's favorite government agency) would be like, if only it were run like Microsoft Corp. (a successful private enterprise).
The IRS, as always, announces new tax forms will be mailed the week before the new year. However it will follow Microsoft's example and actually ship them the following May.
Responding to pressure from some large corporations and a users' group, some early copies of the tax forms will actually be released in March. The recipients must sign non-disclosure agreements.
In June, the forms will be recalled because the IRS loses a suit for appropriating some other country's intellectual property.
When you move, the IRS will continue to send mail to your previous address forevermore, just like Microsoft sends its product upgrade notices.
When you upgrade from form 1040 EZ to 1040 A, and then to 1040, you will pay an more...

"Government should be run like a business." We've all
heard that chestnut. Here is how the Internal Revenue
Service would be like, if only it were run like Microsoft.
The IRS, as always, announces new tax forms will be
mailed the week before the new year. However it will
follow Microsoft's example and actually ship them the
following May.
Responding to pressure from some large corporations and
a users' group, some early copies of the tax forms will
actually be released in March. The recipients must
sign non-disclosure agreements.
In June, the forms will be recalled because the IRS
loses a suit for appropriating some other country's
intellectual property.
When you move, the IRS will continue to send mail to
your previous address forevermore, just like Microsoft
sends its product upgrade notices.
When you upgrade from form 1040 EZ to 1040 A, and then
to 1040, you will pay an upgrade fee each time. more...

KABINDA, ZAIRE-In a move IBM office are hailing as a major step in the
company's ongoing worldwide telecommunications revolution, M'wana Ndeti,
a member of Zaire's Bantu tribe, used an IBM global uplink network modem
yesterday to crush a nut.
Ndeti, who spent 20 minutes trying to open the nut by hand, easily
cracked it open by smashing it repeatedly with the powerful modem. "I could not
crush the nut by myself," said the 47-year-old Ndeti, who added the savory
nut to a thick, peanut-based soup minutes later. "With IBM's help, I was
able to break it."
Ndeti discovered the nut-breaking, 28.8 V.34 modem yesterday, when IBM was
shooting a commercial in his southwestern Zaire village. During a break in
shooting, which shows African villagers eagerly teleconferencing via
computer with Japanese schoolchildren, Ndeti snuck onto the set and took the
modem, which he believed would serve well as a "smashing" more...

OFFICE MEMO
Date: 1/18/96
SPINDLER CALLS IN AIR STRIKE, DESTROYS APPLE TO SAVE IT
Stock Price Increases 50%
"We'll do it better," Says Microsoft
CUPERTINO, Calif. JANUARY 18, 1996
The massive pile of smoking rubble near Interstate 280 here in Cupertino was not the result of an earthquake or natural gas explosion, as officials first believed.
It now appears that the terrific explosion and fire at Apple Computer headquarters was the result of the first corporate-initiated airstrike on U.S. or California soil in U.S. history.
Sources within Apple have told newspapers that, in an effort to save Apple from an internal coup that would result in the breakup and sale of the company, embattled Apple CEO Michael Spindler called in elements of the California Air National Guard, based at Moffet Federal Air Station in Mountain View, Calif. to bomb and strafe his own headquarters.
Spindler allegedly called the California Air National Guard late last more...