Intellectual Jokes / Recent Jokes

Two atoms were walking down the street. One atom says to the other one, "I've lost an electron!

The 2nd atom replies, "Are you sure?"

Says the 1st atom, "I'm positive."

~~
Editor's note: I find it personally amusing that this joke is simultaneously an Intellectual joke, yet one of the stupidest jokes I've heard...

IF POE WERE A TECHIE

Once upon a midnight dreary,
fingers cramped and vision bleary,
system manuals piled high
and wasted paper on the floor,
longing for the warmth of bed sheets,
still I sat there, doing spreadsheets.

Having reached the bottom line,
I took a floppy from the drawer.
Typing with a steady hand,
I then invoked the "save" command
and waited for the disk to store,
only this and nothing more.

Deep into the monitor peering,
long I sat there wond'ring, fearing
while the disk kept churning,
turning yet to churn some more.
"Save!" I said, "You cursed mother!
Save my data from before!"

One thing did the phosphors answer
only this and nothing more, just,
"Abort, Retry, Ignore?"

With my fingers pale and trembling,
slowly toward the keyboard bending,
longing for a happy ending,
hoping all more...

At the National Art Gallery in Dublin, Ireland, a husband and wife were staring at a portrait that had them completely confused.

The painting depicted three black men totally naked sitting on a park bench. Two of the figures had black willies, but the one in the middle had a pink willy.

The curator of the gallery realized that they were having trouble interpreting the painting and offered his assessment. He went on for over half an hour explaining how it depicted the sexual emasculation of black men in a predominately white, patriarchal society.' In fact,' he pointed out,' some serious critics believe that the pink willy also reflects the cultural and sociological oppression experienced by gay men in contemporary society.'

After the curator left, an Irishman, approached the couple and said,' Would you like to know what the painting is really about?'

'Now why would you claim to be more of an expert than the curator of the gallery?' asked the more...

A SQL query walks into a bar and sees two tables. He walks up to them and says' Can I join you?'

1> "Hie thee away, scoundrel, lest this metallic vessel be oped; its whoop-ass forthwith unleash'd."

2> "Shall I compare thee to a summer's eve? For verily, thou art a douche-bag!"

3> "Unbridled envy wouldst thine ample codpiece inspire, save that it concealeth naught but a minnow."

4> "Get thee to a nunnery! For next to nun, methinks, is thy prospect of victory."

5> "Faugh! Thy putrid exhale couldst topple the carrion fowl from off his perch, atop a cart with human refuse laden."

6> "Thou mewling swag-bellied scullion! Thou wretched folly-fallen cutpurse! Most grievously doth thy visage offend the eye, thou droning flap-mouthed pignut!"

7> "Behind yon mask of red and gold, what coxcomb struts and frets in dainty tights, unswell'd by manly cord?"

8> "Of fruitless issue is thy ill-spoken slander! For elastic is my composition, whilst more...