Information Jokes / Recent Jokes
How to Determine if Technology has Taken Over Your Life
1. Your stationery is more cluttered than Warren Beatty's address book. The letterhead lists a fax number, e-mail addresses for two on-line services, and your Internet address, which spreads across the breadth of the letterhead and continues to the back. In essence, you have conceded that the first page of any letter you write *is* letterhead.
2. You can no longer sit through an entire movie without having at least one device on your body beep or buzz.
3. You need to fill out a form that must be typewritten, but you can't because there isn't one typewriter in your house only computers with laser printers.
4. You think of the gadgets in your office as "friends," but you forget to send your father a birthday card.
5. You disdain people who use low Baud rates.
6. When you go into a computer store, you eavesdrop on a salesperson talking with customers and you butt in to correct him and spend more...
The year 2000 dilemma has been solved.
This is a memo to announce the development of a new software system.
We are currently building a data centre that will contain all firm data that is Year 2000 compliant. The program is referred to as the "Millennia Year Application Software System" (MYASS).
At 9:00am next Monday there will be a meeting in which I will show MYASS to everyone. We will continue to hold demonstrations throughout the month so that all employees will have an opportunity to get a good look at MYASS.
As for the status of the implementation of the program, I have not addressed the networking aspects so currently only one person at a time can use MYASS. This restriction will be removed once MYASS expands.
Several people who are using the program already have come to depend on it. Just this morning I walked into a subordinate's office and was not surprised to find that he had his nose buried in MYASS. I've noticed that some of the less more...
Q: How many military information officers does it take to change a lightbulb? A: At the present point in time it is against policy and the best interests of military strategy to divulge information of such a statistical nature. Next question, please.
> A great new software announcement!!!!
>
> This memo is to announce the development of a new software system. We
> are currently building a data center that will contain all firm data
> that is Year 2000 compliant. The program is referred to as the
> "Millennia Year Application Software System" (MYASS).
>
> Next Monday at 9: 00 there will be a meeting in which I will show MYASS
> to everyone. We will continue to hold demonstrations throughout the
> month so that all employees will have an opportunity to get a good
> look
> at MYASS. As for the status of the implementation of the program, I
> have
> not addressed the networking aspects so currently only one person at a
> time can use MYASS. This restriction will be removed after MYASS
> expands.
>
> Several people are using the program already and have come to depend
> on
> it. Just this morning I walked into a subordinate's office more...
1. Your stationery is more cluttered than Warren Beatty's address book. The letterhead lists a fax number, e-mail addresses for two on-line services, and your Internet address, which spreads across the breadth of the letterhead and continues to the back. In essence, you have conceded that the first page of any letter you write is letterhead.2. You have never sat through an entire movie without having at least one device on your body beep or buzz.3. You need to fill out a form that must be typewritten, but you can't because there isn't one typewriter in your house, only computers with laser printers.4. You think of the gadgets in your office as "friends," but you forget to send your father a birthday card.5. You disdain people who use low baud rates.6. When you go into a computer store, you eavesdrop on a salesperson talking with customers, and you butt in to correct him and spend the next twenty minutes answering the customers' questions, while the salesperson stands by more...
"Information? I need the number of the Caseway Insurance Company." "Would you spell that, please?" "Certainly. C as in sea. A as in aye. S as in sea. E as in eye. W as in why. A as in are. Y as in you." The operator pauses. "Just a minute, sir. Ill connect you with my supervisor. . . "
Q: How many military information officers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: At the present point in time it is against policy and the best interests of military strategy to divulge information of such a statistical nature. Next question, please.