Hotline Jokes / Recent Jokes

Recently, the Psychic Hotline and Psychic Friends Network have launched hotlines for frogs. Here is the story of one frog and his discussing with his psychic.A frog telephones the Psychic Hotline and is told, "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you."The frog says, "This is great! Will I meet her at a party, or what?""No," says the psychic. "Next semester in her biology class."

Recently, the Psychic Hotline and Psychic Friends Network have launched hotlines for frogs. Here is the story of one frog and his discussing with his psychic.
A frog telephones the Psychic Hotline and is told, “You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you. ”
The frog says, “This is great! Will I meet her at a party, or what? ”
“No, ” says the psychic. “Next semester in her biology class. ”

Montreal Gazette's Top 50 Jokes from the 1999 Just For Laughs festival. -----------------------------------------------------------------1. (On going to war over religion:) You're basically killing each other to see who's got the better imaginary friend. 2. I used to smoke pot until I came to the conclusion... what was that conclusion, anyway? 3. (On the difference between men and women:) On the one hand, we'll never experience childbirth. On the other hand, we can open all our own jars. 4. Women like posh hotels; there's more for them to steal. Take them to a posh hotel and they all turn into the Artful Dodger. 5. And God said, "Let there be Satan, so people don't blame everything on me. And let there be lawyers, so people don't blame everything onSatan." 6. What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? "Hold my purse." 7. The Web brings people together because no matter what kind of a twisted sexual mutant you happen to be, you're got millions more...

Legendary football announcer Keith Jackson was in Texas to announce a college football game when he noticed a special telephone near the Longhorn's bench. He asked a nearby Texas player what it was for, and was told that it was the "hotline to God."
Keith asked if he could use it. The player told him, "Sure, but it will cost you $10."
Keith scratched his head and thought, "What the heck, I need a break picking games." He pulled out his wallet and paid the $10. Keith was perfect that week with his football picks.
The next week Mr. Jackson was in Florida when he noticed the same kind of telephone on the FSU bench. He again asked what the telephone was for and was told, "It's the hotline to God. If you want to use it, it'll cost you $10."
Recalling the prior week, Keith pulled out his wallet and made the call. Keith was again perfect calling games.
The next weekend Mr. Jackson was in Nebraska at Memorial Stadium, when he noticed more...

A local psychic hotline opened up a new number especially for frogs, called "The Psychic Frog-line." A frog called, wanting to know his future.
"You will meet a beautiful young girl," predicted the psychic.
"This is great!" said the frog. "Where will I meet her? At a party? At the pond?"
"No," replied the psychic. "Next semester in a biology class."

Hello, Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline.
If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2.
If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line so we can trace the call.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press. No one will answer.

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