Copy Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    A soldier was asked to report to the headquarters sergeant for an assignment.
    The sergeant said, “We have a critical shortage of typists. I'll give you a
    little test. Type this,” he ordered, giving him a pamphlet to copy and a sheet of paper, and pointing to a desk across the room that held a typewriter and an adding machine.The man, quite reluctant to become a clerk typist, made a point of typing very slowly, and saw to it that his work contained as many errors as possible.The sergeant gave the typed copy only a brief glance. “That's fine,”" he said. “Report for work at 8 tomorrow.”“But aren't you going to check the test?” the prospective clerk asked.The sergeant grinned. “You passed the test,” he replied, “when you sat down at the typewriter instead of at the adding machine.”

    1. Bring a pillow. Fall asleep (or pretend to) until the last 15 minutes. Wake up, say "oh geez, better get cracking" and do some gibberish work. Turn it in a few minutes early.
    2. Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I've got the secret documents!!"
    3. If it is a math/science exam, answer in essay form. If it is long answer/essay form, answer with numbers and symbols. Be creative. Use the integral symbol.
    4. Make paper airplanes out of the exam. Aim them at the instructor's left nostril.
    5. Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I'm SOOO sure you can hear me thinking." Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor is.
    6. Bring cheerleaders.
    7. Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About five minutes into it, loudly say to the instructor, "I don't understand ANY of this. I've been to every lecture all semester more...

    A well-known motivational speaker gathering the entire crowd's attention, said,
    "The best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who Wasn't my wife!"
    The crowd was shocked!!!!!! !!
    He followed up by saying, "That woman was my mother!"
    The crowd burst into laughter and he gave his speech, which was well
    received.
    About a week later, one of the top managers who had the training decided to use that joke at his house. He tried to rehearse the joke in his head. It was a bit foggy to him.
    He said loudly, "The greatest years of my life were spent in the arms of awoman who was not my wife!"
    Naturally, his wife was shell shocked, murmuring.
    After standing there for almost 10 seconds trying to recall the second half of the joke, the manager finally blurted out "... and I can't remember who she was! "
    As expected, he got the beating of his life time....

    Moral of the story:
    Don't more...

    "My boss spent the entire weekend retyping a 25-page proposal that only needed corrections. She claims the disk I gave her was damaged and she couldn't edit it. The disk I gave her was write-protected." (CIO of Dell Computers)
    Quote from the Boss: "Teamwork is a lot of people doing what I say." (Marketing executive, Citrix Corporation)
    My sister passed away and her funeral was scheduled for Monday. When I told my Boss, he said she died on purpose so that I would have to miss work on the busiest day of the year. He then asked if we could change her burial to Friday. He said, "That would be better for me." (Shipping executive, FTD Florists)
    "We know that communication is a problem, but the company is not going to discuss it with the employees." (Switching supervisor, AT&T Long Lines Division)
    We recently received a memo from senior management saying: "This is to inform you that a memo will be issued today regarding the memo more...

    1. Bring a pillow. Fall asleep until the last 15 minutes. Wake up, say,
    "oh geez, better get cracking," and do some gibberish work. Turn it in
    a few minutes early.
    2. Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming, "Andre, Andre, I've got the
    secret documents!!"
    3. If it is a math/science exam, answer in essay form. If it is long
    answer/essay form, answer with numbers and symbols. Be creative.
    Use the intregral symbol.
    4. Make paper airplanes out of the exam. Aim them at the instructor's left
    nostril.
    5. Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate your
    answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I'm SOOO
    sure you can hear me thinking." Then start talking about what a jerk the
    instructor is.
    6. Bring cheerleaders.
    7. Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About five minutes into it, loudly say
    to the instructor, "I don't understand ANY of this. I've been to more...

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