Hilton Jokes / Recent Jokes

Paris Hilton will no longer be associated with Club Paris nightclubs, according to the venues' owner, Fred Khalilian. The club name will now refer to the French capital instead of the One Night in Paris star, whom Khalilian described as having "created a circus for herself. It's all about, how has she screwed up now?" Khalilian went on to say "I regret seeing this change in her. I pine for the days when she was famous for her amazing philanthropic endevours and not her new image as an exhibitionist, spoiled, rich, slut."

Bored by their wild partying lifestyle Paris Hilton & Lindsay Lohan have turned into nuns. One day Paris Hilton & Lindsay Lohan were in back of the convent smoking cigarettes, when one said, "It's bad enough that we have to sneak out here to smoke,but it really is a problem getting rid of the cigarette butts so Mother Superior doesn't find them." Paris said, "I've found a marvelous invention called the condom, which really solves this problem. You just open the packet up, take out the condom, and put the cigarette butt in, roll it up, and dispose of it all later!" Lindsay Lohan was quite impressed and asked where she could find them. "You get them at the drug store, sister, just go and ask the pharmacist for them." The next day Lindsay Lohan went to the drug store and walked up to the counter. "Good morning, sister," said the pharmacist. "What can I do for you today?" "I'd like some condoms, please," said Lindsay Lohan. The more...

Hilton Double Booked

Doctors currently treating Paris Hilton for a mystery illness have discovered a new condition that occurs when a women sleeps with more men then their genitals can handle. Doctors have named this condition, "Parisitus," a situation where all muscles begin to collapse and gradually make the vagina resemble the mask from the movie "Scream."

Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton are driving down the highway in a convertible. Lindsay knows that she is speeding so she asks Paris if there is a cop behind them? So Paris looks behind their car and sees a cop and says "Oh my God Lindsay, there is a cop behind us!" Lindsay says "That sucks! Are his lights on?" Paris answers, "Yes. .. No. .. Yes. .. No. .. Yes. .. No. .."

Recently in People magazine I read Paris Hilton's quote in reference to her new CD: "it's so good when I hear it I, like, cry". I never thought I'd agree on anything with Paris Hilton but I'm sure if I heard the CD I would, like, cry too. In other pop culture news...government officials have finally found a use for Rosie O'Donnell's TV movie "Riding The Bus With My Sister" in which she plays a mildly retarded woman and co-stars with Andie Mcdowell. Apparently the film is being used to torture inmates at Guantamano Bay and is proving extremely useful.

An Australian travel writer touring Canada was checking out of the Spokane Hilton, and as he paid his bill said to the manager, asked, "By the way, what's with the Indian chief sitting in the lobby? He's been there ever since I arrived." "Oh that's' Big Chief Forget-me Not'," said the manager. "The hotel is built on an Indian reservation, and part of the agreement is to allow the chief free use of the premises for the rest of his life. He is known as' Big Chief Forget-me Not' because of his phenomenal memory. He is 92 and can remember the slightest detail of his life." The travel writer took this in, and as he was waiting for his cab decided to put the chief's memory to the test. "'ello, mate!" said the Aussie, receiving only a slight nod in return. "What did you have for breakfast on your 21st birthday?" "Eggs," was the chief's instant reply, without even looking up, and indeed the Aussie was impressed. He went off on his more...

An Australian travel writer touring Canada was checking out of the Vancouver Hilton.
As he paid his bill, he said to the manager, "By the way, what's with the Indian chief sitting in the lobby? He's been there ever since I arrived."
"Oh, that's Big Chief Forget-Me-Not," said the manager. "The hotel is built on an Indian reservation, and part of the agreement is to allow the chief free use of the premises for the rest of his life. He is known as Big Chief Forget-Me-Not because of his phenomenal memory. He is 92 and can remember the slightest details of his life."
The travel writer took this in, and as he was waiting for his cab decided to put the chief's memory to the test.
"G'dye, myte!" said the Aussie, receiving only a slight nod in return. "What did you have for breakfast on your 21st birthday?"
"Eggs," was the chief's instant reply, without even looking up. Indeed, the Aussie was impressed.
He went more...