Paris Hilton's new CD is considered a flop because it only sold 75,000 units in its first week. Sighed Hilton, "I'm confused. Moving 75,000 units in a week is how I got my record deal in the first place."
Paris Hilton told British newspaper The Sun, "If you see pictures of me out, I'm being paid." She then added, "Same goes for when you see me having sex."
For each pair of Google searches, choose the one that returns the greater number of search results.*
1) a. "anal fissures" b. "vaginal itching"
2) a. "Blacks are stupid" b. "Jews control the media"
3) a. "Paris Hilton" & "dumb ass" b. "Paris Hilton" & "skank"
4) a. "dirty Sanchez" b. "rusty trombone"
5) a. "hot Asian teens" b. "fat girls naked"
6) a. "Janet Reno is sexy" b. "Rosie O'Donnell is sexy"
7) a. "Michael Jackson" & "pedophile" b. "Whitney Houston" & "crackhead"
*search results as of August 20, 2006, 2:35 EDT
answers: 1)a 2)b 3)b 4)a 5)b 6)a 7)a
A couple met at Hilton Head and fell in love. They were discussing how they would continue the relationship after their vacations were over.
"It's only fair to warn you Jody." he said. "I'm a golf nut. I live, eat, sleep and breathe golf."
"Well, since you're being honest, so will I." Jody said. "I'm a hooker."
"I see." he said. Then brightening, he smiled. "It's probably because you're not keeping your wrists straight when you hit the ball."
An Australian travel writer touring Canada was checking out of the Vancouver Hilton.
As he paid his bill, he said to the manager, "By the way, what's with the Indian chief sitting in the lobby? He's been there ever since I arrived."
"Oh, that's Big Chief Forget-Me-Not," said the manager. "The hotel is built on an Indian reservation, and part of the agreement is to allow the chief free use of the premises for the rest of his life. He is known as Big Chief Forget-Me-Not because of his phenomenal memory. He is 92 and can remember the slightest details of his life."
The travel writer took this in, and as he was waiting for his cab decided to put the chief's memory to the test.
"G'dye, myte!" said the Aussie, receiving only a slight nod in return. "What did you have for breakfast on your 21st birthday?"
"Eggs," was the chief's instant reply, without even looking up. Indeed, the Aussie was impressed.
He went more...