Handgun Jokes / Recent Jokes

Assembler: You shoot yourself in the foot.

Ada: The Department of Defense shoots you in the foot after offering you a blindfold and a last cigarrette.

BASIC (interpreted): You shoot yourself in the foot with a water pistol until your leg is waterlogged and rots off.

BASIC (compiled): You shoot yourself in the foot with a BB using a SCUD missile launcher.

C++: You create a dozen instances of yourself and shoot them all in the foot. Not knowing which feet are virtual, medical care is impossible.

COBOL: USE HANDGUN. COLT(45), AIM AT LEG. FOOT, THEN WITH ARM. HAND. FINGER ON HANDGUN. COLT(TRIGGER) PREFORM SQUEEZE, RETURN HANDGUN. COLT TO HIP. HOLSTER.

cah: After searching the manual until your foot falls asleep, you shoot the computer and switch to C.

dBASE: You buy a gun. Bullets are only available from another company and are promised to work so you buy them. Then you find out that the next version of the gun more...

Assembler: You shoot yourself in the foot. Ada: The Department of Defense shoots you in the foot after offering you a blindfold and a last cigarrette. BASIC (interpreted): You shoot yourself in the foot with a water pistol until your leg is waterlogged and rots off. BASIC (compiled): You shoot yourself in the foot with a BB using a SCUD missile launcher. C++: You create a dozen instances of yourself and shoot them all in the foot. Not knowing which feet are virtual, medical care is impossible. COBOL: USE HANDGUN. COLT(45), AIM AT LEG. FOOT, THEN WITH ARM. HAND. FINGER ON HANDGUN. COLT(TRIGGER) PREFORM SQUEEZE, RETURN HANDGUN. COLT TO HIP. HOLSTER. cah: After searching the manual until your foot falls asleep, you shoot the computer and switch to C. dBASE: You buy a gun. Bullets are only available from another company and are promised to work so you buy them. Then you find out that the next version of the gun is the one that is scheduled to shoot bullets. Fortran: You shoot yourself in more...

#10 - You can trade an old 44 for a new 22.
#9 - You can keep one handgun at home and have another for one when you're on the road.
#8 - If you admire a friends handgun and tell him so, he'll probably let you try it out a few times.
#7 - Your primary handgun doesn't mind if you keep another handgun for backup.
#6 - Your handgun will stay with you even if you run out of ammo.
#5 - A handgun doesn't take up a lot of closet space.
#4 - Handguns function normally every day of the month.
#3 - A handgun doesn't ask, "Do these new grips make me look fat?"
#2 - A handgun doesn't mind if you go to sleep after you use it.
And, the number one reason a handgun is favored over a woman
#1 - You can buy a silencer for a handgun.

An elderly lady did her shopping and, upon returning to her car, found four males in the act of leaving with her car. She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at them at the top of her voice, "I have a gun and I know how to use it! Get out of the car, scumbags! "The four men didnt wait for a second invitation but got out and ran like mad, whereupon the lady, somewhat shaken, proceeded to load her shopping bags into the back of the car and get into the drivers seat. She was so shaken that she could not get her key into the ignition. She tried and tried, and then it dawned on her why. A few minutes later she found her own car parked four or five spaces farther down. She loaded her bags into her car and drove to the police station. The sergeant to whom she told the story nearly tore himself in two with laughter and pointed to the other end of the counter, where four pale white males were reporting a car jacking by a mad elderly woman described as more...

An Elderly Lady Did Her Shopping And, Upon Returning To Her Car, Found Four Males In The Act Of Leaving With Her Vehicle. She Dropped Her Shopping Bags, Drew Her Handgun, And Proceeded To Scream At Them At The Top Of Her Voice, "I Have A Gun And I Know How To Use It! Get Out Of The Car, You Scumbags!"

The Four Men Didn't Wait For A Second Invitation, But Got Out And Ran Like Mad.

The Lady, Somewhat Shaken, Proceeded To Load Her Shopping Bags In The Back Of The Car And Get Into The Driver's Seat. She Was So Shaken That She Could Not Get Her Key Into The Ignition. She Tried And Tried, To No Avail.

And Then It Dawned On Her Why.

A Few Minutes Later, She Found Her Own Car Parked Four Or Five Spaces Farther Down. She Loaded Her Bags Into Her Car And Drove To The Police Station.

The Sergeant To Whom She Told The Story Nearly Tore Himself In Two With Laughter And Pointed To The Other End Of The Counter, Where Four Pale Males more...

Gun Shop Owner: "Hi, How can I help you?"
Client: "I'm lookin' for a gun."
Owner:"What kind of gun are you lookin' for?"
Client: (pointing at the biggest handgun in the case): "That one looks about right."
Owner: (very surprised): " Why do you need a .44 magnum?"
Client: "It's for shootin' at cans."
Owner: (pointing at a small handgun): "Well, this is the perfect size for shooting at cans."
Client: (pointing again at the .44): "Nah, I need this one."
Owner: "OK, what kind of cans are you shooting at?"
Client: "Mexi-cans... Puerto Ri-cans... Afri-cans