Mad Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    They call it "pms" because "mad cow disease" was already taken.

    Two guys are out one day golfing. One slices off to the right, one hooks off to the left and they both go to retrieve their balls. The guy on the right is hacking and hacking at the ball but just can't lift it out of the buttercups. It has become lodged in. All of a sudden, up from the ground comes Mother Nature and is she mad!

    "What the hell are you doing to my beautiful buttercups?" she asks.

    "I'm just trying to get my golf ball out of them, lady", replies the golfer.

    "Well, you are really making me mad. Just look what you've done to my buttercups. For this I must punish you. Your punishment will be an entire year without butter!!"

    The golfer starts laughing hysterically which by now has just about worn out Mother Nature's patience.

    "What in the hell do you think is so funny about no butter for a year?" she screams at him.

    "I'm not laughing about that - I'm laughing about more...

    My Resignation

    Hot 9 months ago

    ONE MAD MAN TO THE OTHER: TOMORROW I WILL BECOME THE PRESIDENT OF INDIA
    OTHER MAD MAN: YES, ONLY IF I GIVE MY RESIGNATION

    One day a man took the train from Paris to Frankfurt. When he got in he said to the ticket man:

    "Sir. I really need you to do me a favor, I have to get down this train in Mannheim, but I'm very tired and it is for sure that I will fall asleep. So what I want you to do is that you wake me up in Mannheim because I have to close a business there and it is very important for me. Here you have 100 francs for the favor. But I warn you sometimes when people wake me up I get really violent, but no matters what I do or say you got to get me out of this train in Mannheim. Is that clear?"

    So the ticket man agreed and took the 100 francs. Later as the man had said he fall asleep, and when he woke up he realized that he was in Frankfurt. He was so mad at the ticket man that he ran over and started yelling at the ticket man.

    "Are you stupid or something??? I paid you 100 francs so that you wake me up in Mannheim. And you didn't, so I want my money more...

    How can you tell a Snowman from a Snowwoman?
    The Snowwoman is the one wearing the make-up!
    How do snowmen greet each other?
    Ice to meet you!
    How do you call an Eskimo cow?
    An Eskimoo!
    How do you get milk from a polar bear?
    Rob its fridge and run like mad.
    I'll bet you can't tell me where my mother comes from!
    Alaska!
    That's cheating!
    What bird gasps and pants at the North Pole?
    A puffin.
    What did the snowman's girlfriend give him when she was mad at him?
    The cold shoulder!
    What do snow kids have for breakfast?
    Ice Krispies!
    What do snowmen have for breakfast?
    Snowflakes!
    What do snowmen like on their burgers?
    Chilly saunce!

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