Mad Jokes

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    They call it "pms" because "mad cow disease" was already taken.

    My Resignation

    Hot 1 week ago

    ONE MAD MAN TO THE OTHER: TOMORROW I WILL BECOME THE PRESIDENT OF INDIA
    OTHER MAD MAN: YES, ONLY IF I GIVE MY RESIGNATION

    One day a man took the train from Paris to Frankfurt. When he got in he said to the ticket man:

    "Sir. I really need you to do me a favor, I have to get down this train in Mannheim, but I'm very tired and it is for sure that I will fall asleep. So what I want you to do is that you wake me up in Mannheim because I have to close a business there and it is very important for me. Here you have 100 francs for the favor. But I warn you sometimes when people wake me up I get really violent, but no matters what I do or say you got to get me out of this train in Mannheim. Is that clear?"

    So the ticket man agreed and took the 100 francs. Later as the man had said he fall asleep, and when he woke up he realized that he was in Frankfurt. He was so mad at the ticket man that he ran over and started yelling at the ticket man.

    "Are you stupid or something??? I paid you 100 francs so that you wake me up in Mannheim. And you didn't, so I want my money more...

    How can you tell a Snowman from a Snowwoman?
    The Snowwoman is the one wearing the make-up!
    How do snowmen greet each other?
    Ice to meet you!
    How do you call an Eskimo cow?
    An Eskimoo!
    How do you get milk from a polar bear?
    Rob its fridge and run like mad.
    I'll bet you can't tell me where my mother comes from!
    Alaska!
    That's cheating!
    What bird gasps and pants at the North Pole?
    A puffin.
    What did the snowman's girlfriend give him when she was mad at him?
    The cold shoulder!
    What do snow kids have for breakfast?
    Ice Krispies!
    What do snowmen have for breakfast?
    Snowflakes!
    What do snowmen like on their burgers?
    Chilly saunce!

    An elderly lady did her shopping and upon return found 4 males in her car. She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at them at the top of her lungs that she "knows how to use it and will shoot if required.... so get out of MY car!"
    The 4 men didn't wait around for a second invitation. They got out and ran like mad, where upon the lady proceeded to load her shopping bags into the back of the car and got into the drivers seat.
    Small problem: Her key wouldn't fit the ignition. Her car was identical and parked four or five spaces further down.
    She loaded her bags into her car and drove to the police station. The sergeant that she told the story to nearly tore himself in two with laughter and pointed to the other end of the counter where 4 pale white males were reporting a carjacking by a mad, elderly, white woman...... No charges were filed.

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