Germs Jokes / Recent Jokes

Eat right! Make sure you get your daily dose of fruits and veggies.

Take your vitamins and bump up your vitamin C.

Get plenty of exercise because exercise helps build your immune system.

Walk for at least hour a day, go for a swim, take the stairs instead of the elevator, etc.

Wash your hands often. If you can't wash them, keep a bottle of antibacterial stuff around. -

Get lots of fresh air. Open windows whenever possible.

Get plenty of rest

Try to eliminate as much stress from your life as you can.

OR. .. You can take the doctors office approach. Think about it, when you go for a shot, what do they do first? Clean your arm with alcohol.

Why? Because alcohol kills germs.

SO. .. I walk to the liquor store (exercise),

I put lime in my Corona (fruit), celery in my Bloody Mary veggies), drink on the bar patio (fresh air), get drunk, tell jokes, and laugh (eliminate more...

A professor was warning his students against the hazards of kissing. "You should know when a boy kisses a girl he transfers 40, 000 germs from his mouth to that of his girl friend. What can you do about that?"
Pat came the reply from a girl, "You should give him back all his germs the same way."

Two Boys Were Travelling In A Bus, And Were Sitting Next To Each Other.
One Boy Exclaimed: "Did You Knew? Deep Breathing Kills The Germs!"
The Other Kid: "But How Can We Make The Germs Take A Deep Breathe?"

A newlywed couple established a household routine that included having sexual relations each evening at five-fifteen. After several weeks, the bride contracted the flu and received an injection that killed all but three germs. The trio of survivors frantically discussed how they might escape. "I'm moving to the tip of her ear," said the first. "They'll never get me there."
Thinking for a moment, the second bug chirped, "I'm going to the tip of her toe!"
"You guys do what you want," retorted the third, "but when that old five-fifteen pulls out tonight, I'm going to be on it."

A young couple were married and they were having sex all the time during their honeymoon, but when the honeymoon was over they had to adjust their sex schedule to their work schedule. so every day the husband would get home at 5 o'clock, and every day they would go to bed at 5:15. in the door at 5, in the sack at 5:15. this went on for months, never missing a day until the wife came down with the flu and went to the doctor to get a flu shot. the shot killed all the germs inside her except for three, and these three germs were huddled together inside her body talking over their survival plans. one germ said, 'I am going to hide between two toes on her left foot, I don't think the antibiotics will find me there'.
A second exclaimed, 'I am going to hide behind her right ear, I don't think they'll find me there.'
The last germ said, 'I don't know about you guys, but when that 5:15 pulls out tonight, I'm gonna be on it!'