Funny Ads Jokes / Recent Jokes
Seen in a health food store. "Shoplifters will be beaten over the head with an organic carrot""Children left unattended will be towed at parents expense." I went to a little hole in the wall restaurant: the sign read: Women are not served here. You have to bring your own.At a Santa Fe gas station: "We will sell gasoline to anyone in a glass container."In a New York restaurant: "Customers who consider our waitresses uncivil ought to see the manager."On the wall of a Baltimore estate: "Trespassers will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law.-Sisters of Mercy"On a long-established New Mexico dry cleaners: "38 years on the same spot."In a Los Angeles dance hall: "Good clean dancing every night but Sunday."
In a Florida maternity ward: "No children allowed."In a New York drugstore: "We dispense with accuracy."In the offices of a loan company: "Ask about our plans for owning your home."In a New York medical building: "Mental Health Prevention Center"On a New York convalescent home: "For the sick and tired of the Episcopal Church."On a Maine shop: "Our motto is to give our customers the lowest possible prices and workmanship."At a number of military bases: "Restricted to unauthorized personnel."On a display of "I love you only" Valentine cards: "Now available in multi-packs."
In the window of a Kentucky appliance store: "Don't kill your wife. Let our washing machine do the dirty work."In a funeral parlor: "Ask about our layaway plan."In a clothing store: "Wonderful bargains for men with 16 and 17 necks."In a Tacoma, Washington men's clothing store: "15 men's wool suits, $10. They won't last an hour!"On a shopping mall marquee: "Archery Tournament-Ears pierced"Outside a country shop: "We buy junk and sell antiques."In the window of an Oregon store: "Why go elsewhere and be cheated when you can come here?"In the vestry of a New England church: "Will the last person to leave please see that the perpetual light is extinguished."
In a Pennsylvania cemetery: "Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own graves."On a roller coaster: "Watch your head."On the grounds of a public school: "No trespassing without permission."On a Tennessee highway: "When this sign is under water, this road is impassable."In front of a New Hampshire car wash: "If you can't read this, it's time to wash your car." Signs and notices 06
These are supposedly actual signs that have appeared at various locations.Sign in a realtor's office: "Lots for little." Sign in a shoe store: "Come in and have a fit." Sign in a maternity clothes store: "We are open on labor day."
Sign in a non-smoking area: "If we see you smoking we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."Sign on the door of the maternity ward: "Push Push Push." Sign at entrance of the IRS: "Watch your step." Sign at the exit of the IRS: "Watch your mouth." Sign in a bookstore: "We treat you write." Sign on a front door: "Everyone on the premises is a vegetarian except the dog." Sign on a scientist's door: "Gone fission." Sign in a taxidermist's window: "We really know our stuff."