Funny Ads Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    (found on car window)
    Sound system will not work if removed

    Don't let worry kill you - let the church help.
    Thursday night - Potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow.
    Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.
    For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
    The rosebud on the alter this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer.

    The service will close with "Little Drops of Water." One of the ladies will start quietly and the rest of the congregation will join in.
    Next Sunday a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet will come foreward and do so.
    The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind. They can be seen in the church basement Saturday.
    A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
    At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.

    This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.
    Tuesday at 4:00 PM there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early.
    Wednesday the ladies liturgy will meet. Mrs. Johnson will sing "Put me in my little bed" accompanied by the pastor.
    Thursday at 5:00 PM there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All ladies wishing to be "Little Mothers" will meet with the Pastor in his study.
    This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come foreward and lay an egg on the alter.

    In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods. On a Sears hairdryer -- Do not use while sleeping. (Darn, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair). On a bag of Fritos -- You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special)? On a bar of Dial soap -- "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how???.....) On some Swanson frozen dinners -- "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion). On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom) -- "Do not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh)! On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding - "Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought????....) On packaging for a Rowenta iron -- "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time)? On Boot's Children Cough Medicine -- "Do not drive a car or more...

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