Foot Jokes / Recent Jokes

Three Generals got pensioned at the same time and they had a farewell party in NY. As a farewell present the men had got a sponsor to sponsor money for the Generals.

The idea was: “Give two points on your body, we will measure the difference between thw points and for every foot you will get 1000 USD”.

The Air force General “The top of my head and the botton of my feet” This was measured 6 feet 2? and he got 6000USD.

The Navy General streched his hand to the left and his foot to the right said “My left forefinger and my right big toe”. The distance was 8 feet and he got 8000 USD.

The Infanatry General: “From my nose to my dick! ” Everyone was astonished but he said “masure. ” The guy with the measuring tape: “But were is your Dick?? ”

General “In Viet-Nam! ”

1. Compaq is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to "Press Return Key" because of the flood of calls asking where the "Any" key is.
2. AST technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse was hard to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be the plastic bag the mouse was packaged in.
3. Another Compaq technician received a call from a man complaining that the system wouldn't read word processing files from his old diskettes. After trouble-shooting for magnets and heat failed to diagnose the problem, it was found that the customer labeled the diskettes then rolled them into the typewriter to type the labels.
4. Another AST customer was asked to send a copy of her defective diskettes. A few days later a letter arrived from the customer along with Xeroxed copies of the floppies.
5. A Dell technician advised his customer to put his troubled floppy back in the drive and close the door. The customer asked more...

Assembler: You shoot yourself in the foot.Ada: The Department of Defense shoots you in the foot after offering you a blindfold and a last cigarrette.BASIC (interpreted): You shoot yourself in the foot with a water pistol until your leg is waterlogged and rots off.BASIC (compiled): You shoot yourself in the foot with a BB using a SCUD missile launcher.C++: You create a dozen instances of yourself and shoot them all in the foot. Not knowing which feet are virtual, medical care is impossible.COBOL: USE HANDGUN.COLT(45), AIM AT LEG.FOOT, THEN WITH ARM.HAND.FINGER ON HANDGUN.COLT(TRIGGER) PREFORM SQUEEZE, RETURN HANDGUN.COLT TO HIP.HOLSTER.cah: After searching the manual until your foot falls asleep, you shoot the computer and switch to C.dBASE: You buy a gun. Bullets are only available from another company and are promised to work so you buy them. Then you find out that the next version of the gun is the one that is scheduled to shoot bullets.Fortran: You shoot yourself in each toe, more...

write christmas on one foot and thanksgiving on the other foot and ask to spend some time between the holidays

A woman was not feeling well. So she visited her doctor.
The good doctor, after giving her a thorough examination, said grimly,
"Mrs Goode, I am sorry to have to say this, but if you want to get well again you would have to lose a foot."
"What!?! You mean my foot has to be amputated?"
"Oh, no, no..." replied the good doctor, "I mean you have to lose a foot from around your waistline!"
(adapted from Born Loser's comic strip)

A man was mowing his lawn when he heard his neighbor, who happened to be a blonde, come out of her house. She opened her mailbox, looked inside and slammed it shut. She stomped her foot and went back inside. The man thought ''how weird.'' A few minutes passed and sure enough, the blonde came out of her house again, checked her mail box, stamped her foot and went back inside. The man stopped mowing and checked her mailbox to see what was so wrong with it. After seeing nothing, he went back to mowing just shrugging his shoulders. As soon as he heard her coming out again, he shut off his mowing machine and went up to her. ''What in the world are you doing, coming out here every five minutes?'' The blonde looked up at the man and said, ''Well, you see, there's this little voice in my house that keeps on saying, 'You've got mail,' but when I come out here to check, I don't have any.''

There is no such thing as child-proofing your house

If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite

A 4 years-old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant

If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan the motor is not strong
enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing pound puppy underwear and a
superman cape

It is strong enough however to spread paint on all four walls of a
20 by 20 foot room

Baseballs make marks on ceilings.
You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on.
When using the ceiling fan as a bat you have to throw the ball up a
few times before you get a hit.
A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit
by a ceiling fan.

When you hear the toilet flush and the words "Uh-oh;" it's already
too late.

Brake more...