Flashlight Jokes / Recent Jokes
Two Canadian guys, Mike and Rob were on the roof, laying tile, when a sudden gust of wind came and knocked down their ladder. "I have an idea," said Mike. "Well throw you down, and then you can pick up the ladder." "What, do you think Im stupid? I have an idea. Ill shine my flashlight, and you can climb down on the beam of light." "What, do you think Im stupid? Youll just turn off the flashlight when Im halfway there."
Mike's grandfather clock suddenly stops working right one day, so he loads it into his van and takes it to a clock repair shop.
In the shop is a little old man who insists he is Swiss, and has a heavy German accent.
He asks Mike, "Vat sims to be ze problem?"
Mike says, "I'm not sure, but it doesn't go "tick-tock-tick-tock" anymore.
Now it just goes "tick... tick... tick."
The old man says, "Mmm-Hm!" and steps behind the counter, where he rummages around a bit. He emerges with a huge flashlight and walks over the grandfather clock.
He turns the flashlight on, and shines it directly into the clocks face.
Then he says in a menacing voice...
Ve haf vays of making you tock!"
A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight
around, looking for valuables, and when he picked up a CD player to
place in his sack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark
saying, "Jesus is watching you."
He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight out, and
froze. When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head,
promised himself a vacation after the next big score, then clicked
the light back on and began searching for more valuables. Just as
he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as
a bell he heard, "Jesus is watching you."
Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the
source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his
flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" He
hissed at the parrot.
"Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, more...
There was a Blond and a Brunette on an airplane.
All of a sudden the engine blew and they started to crash!
There was only one parachute and a flashlight.
The Brunette grabbed the parachute and the flashlight and said to the blond, “Ok, This is a magic flashlight, I will shine it on the ground and you can slide down the beam of light! Then I will follow you with the parachute. ”
The blond looked at her sceptically and said, “Do you think I am that dumb? I know when I am halfway down you’re gonna turn it off! ”
Mike's grandfather clock suddenly stops working right one day, so he loads it into his van and takes it to a clock repair shop. In the shop is a little old man who insists he is Swiss, and has a heavy German accent. He asks Mike, "Vat sims to be ze problem?" Mike says, "I'm not sure, but it doesn't go "tick-tock-tick-tock" anymore. Now it just goes "tick... tick... tick." The old man says, "Mmm-Hm!" and steps behind the counter, where he rummages around a bit. He emerges with a huge flashlight and walks over the grandfather clock. He turns the flashlight on, and shines it directly into the clocks face. Then he says in a menacing voice... Ve haf vays of making you tock!"
A college couple is under a tree on campus making out. After a while, the girl says, "I wish you had a flashlight."
He says, "Why's that?"
She says, "Because you've been eating grass for fifteen minutes."