Empire Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    How He Built His Empire

    Hot 4 months ago

    A young man asked a rich old man how he had made his fortune.
    The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, "Well, son, it was back in 1932, during the depth of the Great Depression. There I was, down to my last nickel."
    "I invested that nickel in an apple and spent the better part of the day polishing that apple. At the end of the day, I sold it for ten cents."
    "The following morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the whole day polishing them and sold them at 5:30PM for twenty cents. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I had accumulated a fortune of $8.40."
    "And that's how you built your empire?" the young man asked.
    "Gracious, no!" exclaimed the old man. "Then my wife's father died and left us two million dollars."

    Godzilla, King Kong, and a smart blonde are all on the Empire State Building. Who jumps first?
    None. Because none of them exist!

    Is a turkey able to jump higher than the Empire State Building? Of course! A building can't even jump.

    One night the conversation turned to Richard Adam's book SHARDIK, about an ancient empire ruled by an enormous, semimythical bear. This triggered Doc Webster:
    The only way to become a knight in Shardik's empire was to apply for a personal interview with the bear. This had its drawbacks. If he liked your audition, you were knighted on the spot - but if you failed, Lord Shardik was quite likely to club your head off your shoulders with one mighty paw.
    Even so, there were many applicants - for the peasantry were poor, and if a candidate failed for knighthood, his family received, by way of booby-prize, a valuable sheepdog from the Royal Kennels. This consoled them, for truly it is written:
    "For the mourning after a terrible knight, nothing beats the dog of the bear that hit you."

    Star Wars Trilogy (or more soon?) Sexually Tilted Lines
    Top 10 sexually tilted lines from Star Wars:
    1. She may not look like much, but she's got it where it counts kid.
    2. Curse my metal body, I wasn't fast enough.
    3. Look at the size of that thing!
    4. Sorry about the mess...
    5. You came in that thing? You're braver than I thought!
    6. Aren't you a little short for a stormtrooper.
    7. You've got something jammed in here real good.
    8. Put that thing away before you get us all killed.
    9. Luke, at that speed do you think you'll be able to pull out in time?
    10. Get in there you big furry oaf, I don't care what you smell!
    Top 10 Sexually tilted lines from the Empire Strikes Back
    1. And I thought they smelled bad on the outside.
    2. Possible he came through the south entrance.
    3. I must've hit it pretty close to the mark to get her all riled up like that huh kid.
    4. Hurry up, Golden-rod!
    5. That's okay, I'd like to keep it on more...

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