Empire Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    How He Built His Empire

    Hot 4 years ago

    A young man asked a rich old man how he had made his fortune.
    The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, "Well, son, it was back in 1932, during the depth of the Great Depression. There I was, down to my last nickel."
    "I invested that nickel in an apple and spent the better part of the day polishing that apple. At the end of the day, I sold it for ten cents."
    "The following morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the whole day polishing them and sold them at 5:30PM for twenty cents. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I had accumulated a fortune of $8.40."
    "And that's how you built your empire?" the young man asked.
    "Gracious, no!" exclaimed the old man. "Then my wife's father died and left us two million dollars."

    Godzilla, King Kong, and a smart blonde are all on the Empire State Building. Who jumps first?
    None. Because none of them exist!

    Is a turkey able to jump higher than the Empire State Building? Of course! A building can't even jump.

    Star Wars Trilogy (or more soon?) Sexually Tilted Lines
    Top 10 sexually tilted lines from Star Wars:
    1. She may not look like much, but she's got it where it counts kid.
    2. Curse my metal body, I wasn't fast enough.
    3. Look at the size of that thing!
    4. Sorry about the mess...
    5. You came in that thing? You're braver than I thought!
    6. Aren't you a little short for a stormtrooper.
    7. You've got something jammed in here real good.
    8. Put that thing away before you get us all killed.
    9. Luke, at that speed do you think you'll be able to pull out in time?
    10. Get in there you big furry oaf, I don't care what you smell!
    Top 10 Sexually tilted lines from the Empire Strikes Back
    1. And I thought they smelled bad on the outside.
    2. Possible he came through the south entrance.
    3. I must've hit it pretty close to the mark to get her all riled up like that huh kid.
    4. Hurry up, Golden-rod!
    5. That's okay, I'd like to keep it on more...

    Statement of fact (anti-English)
    The alternative encyclopaedia of Scotland
    E is for England
    A small irrelevant country which, humourously, thinks itself important. The source of much jollity the world over, England is a strong contender for the Country You Most Love To Hate award. From Mandalay to Mauritius via Timbuktu and Tasmania, everyone hates England. Indeed, England has it within its grasp to bring about global unification just by declaring war on the world. Every nation on earth would unite in the fight.
    Strange but true; the reason England thinks it is the centre of the universe is because it won the football {soccer in N America} World Cup in 1966. Though irritating, this would not have mattered too much if it had learned to shut up about it for five minutes. England also had an obscenely big empire which, again, was noteworthy only for how much it annoyed everyone else.
    A common misconception is that England lost its empire because the uppity natives more...

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