Empire Jokes / Recent Jokes

Statement of fact (anti-English)
The alternative encyclopaedia of Scotland
E is for England
A small irrelevant country which, humourously, thinks itself important. The source of much jollity the world over, England is a strong contender for the Country You Most Love To Hate award. From Mandalay to Mauritius via Timbuktu and Tasmania, everyone hates England. Indeed, England has it within its grasp to bring about global unification just by declaring war on the world. Every nation on earth would unite in the fight.
Strange but true; the reason England thinks it is the centre of the universe is because it won the football {soccer in N America} World Cup in 1966. Though irritating, this would not have mattered too much if it had learned to shut up about it for five minutes. England also had an obscenely big empire which, again, was noteworthy only for how much it annoyed everyone else.
A common misconception is that England lost its empire because the uppity natives more...

Theres a smart blond, gothic preist, and a dog ontop of the empire state bulding.wich one hits the ground first? the dog the other two dont exisit!

Two blokes are in a bar on top of the Empire State Building. One says to the other "You know, if you jump off of this building you get sucked in at the 10th floor". The other one laughs and says "No way, man. Prove it"
The first guy agrees and they both go to the edge. He jumps off and whoof! He gets sucked in at the 10th floor. When he gets back to the top the second guy, standing in shock, says "I don't believe it! Let me try".
So the second guy jumps off and splat! He falls to his death. The first guy goes back into the bar. When he gets back there, the bartender tuts and says "You know Superman, you can be a real bastard when your drunk!

Two men are sitting drinking at a bar at the top of the Empire State Building when the first man turns to the other and says, "You know, last week I discovered that if you jump from the top of this building, by the time you fall to the 10th floor, the winds around the building are so
intense that they carry you around the building and back into the window."
The bartender just shakes his head in disapproval while wiping the bar.
The second guy says, "What are you a nut? There is no way in hell that could happen."
"No, it's true," said the first man, let me prove it to you." He gets up from the bar, jumps over the balcony, and plummets to the street below. When he passes the 10th floor, the high wind whips him around the building and back into the 10th floor window and he takes the elevator back up to the bar.
He met the second man, who looked quite astonished. "You know, I saw that with my own eyes, but that must have been a more...

WHAT DO YOU CALL A MILLION BLACK PEOPLE STANDING AROUND THE EMPIRE STATE BUILDING?
PUBES

WHAT DO YOU CALL A MILLION BLACK PEOPLE STANDING AROUND THE EMPIRE STATE BUILDING?
PUBES
I WEIGH 10 STONES SO WHAT DOES A PAKI WEIGH?
SWEETS

What happened when Ray Johnson fell off the Empire State Building?
Now everyone calls him x-ray.