Elephants Jokes / Recent Jokes

MATHEMATICIANS hunt elephants by going to Africa, throwing out everything that is not an elephant, and catching one of whatever is left.
EXPERIENCED MATHEMATICIANS will attempt to prove the existence of at least one unique elephant before proceeding to step 1 as a subordinate exercise.
PROFESSORS OF MATHEMATICS will prove the existence of at least one unique elephant and then leave the detection and capture of an actual elephant as an exercise for their graduate students.
COMPUTER SCIENTISTS hunt elephants by exercising Algorithm A:
Go to Africa.
Start at the Cape of Good Hope.
Work northward in an orderly manner, traversing the continent alternately east and west.
During each traverse pass,
Catch each animal seen.
Compare each animal caught to a known elephant.
Stop when a match is detected.
EXPERIENCED COMPUTER PROGRAMMERS modify Algorithm A by placing a known elephant in Cairo to ensure that the algorithm will terminate.
ASSEMBLY more...

Q: Why do elephants have trunks? A: Because they would look silly with glove compartments. Q: What do you do when you come across an elephant? A: Wipe it off! Q: Have you heard about Hannibal crossing the Alps with elephants? A: None of the offspring survived. Q: How does the male elephant find the female elephant when she's lying down in tall grass? A: VERY attractive. Q: How do you know when an elephant has been screwing in you're yard? A: The flower beds are crushed and you are missing a garbage bag! Q: What did the elephant say when he saw a dead ant on the road? A: Deadant! Deadant! Deadant!!! (to be sung). Q: What did he say when he saw a live ant on the road? A: He stamped it to death and then said "Deadant! Deadant! Deadant!!!". Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant and a grape? A: Cosine (Theta) Note: Assumes |elephant| |grape| 1 Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant and a mountain climber? A: Zero - a mountain climber is a scaler. Q: What do you more...

Every nation has to write a book about the Elephant:
The French book - The Sex Life of the Elephant or: 1000 ways to cook Elephant.
The English book - Elephants I have shot on Safari.
The Welsh book - The Elephant and its influence on Welsh language and culture or: Oes ysgol tocynnau eleffant llanfairpwll nhadau coeden.
The American book - How to Make Bigger And Better Elephants.
The Japanese book - How to Make Smaller And Cheaper Elephants.
The Greek book - How to Sell Elephants for a Lot of Money.
The Finnish book - What Do Elephants Think about Finnish People.
The German book - A Short Introduction to Elephants, Vol 1-
6.
The Icelandic book - Defrosting an Elephant.
The Swiss book - Switzerland: The Country Through Which Hannibal Went With His Elephants.
The Canadian book - Elephants: A Federal or State Issue?
The Swedish book - How to reduce your taxes with an elephant.

Scientists have discovered that elephants can recognize themselves in the mirror. Not only that, but African elephants think they look better in sweats than they actually do.

It was a boring Sunday afternoon in the jungle so the Elephants decided to challenge the Ants to a game of soccer.
The game was going well with the Elephants beating the Ants ten goals to nil, when the Ants gained possession. The Ants' star player was dribbling the ball towards the Elephants' goal when the Elephants' left back came lumbering towards him. The elephant trod on the little ant, killing him instantly. The referee stopped the game.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?
Do you call that sportsmanship, killing another player?"
The elephant replied, "Well, I didn't mean to kill him - I was just trying to trip him up."