Jane met Tarzan in the jungle and found she was very attracted to him. While asking him questions about his life, she asked how he managed for sex.
"What's sex?" asked a confused Tarzan.
She explained to him what sex was and he replied, "Tarzan use hole in tree trunk."
Horrified, Jane said, "No, Tarzan, you have it all wrong. I'll show you how to do it the proper way." She then removed all her clothes, laid on the ground and spread her legs.
Pointing to her privates, she said, "Here, Tarzan. You must put it here."
Tarzan removed his loincloth, moved closer to her and gave her a tremendous kick in the crotch.
Jane rolled around in agony and gasped, "What the hell was that for?"
"Tarzan always check for bees!" he replied.
Tarzan got into a huge fight with a lion in the jungles of Africa and, while the lion was defeated, it did manage to destroy Tarzan's eye and rip off his arm and his dick.
Needless to say, Tarzan's jungle friends helped him out by giving him the parts he needed... the eye of an eagle, the arm of a gorilla, and an elephant trunk for a dick. A while later, Cheeta the Chimp asked Tarzan how his new parts were working out for him.
"Tarzan like. With new eye, Tarzan can see far. With new arm, Tarzan strong. But, Tarzan no like new wee-wee," Tarzan replied.
"Why not?" asked Cheeta.
"It keep taking weeds and shoving in Tarzan's ass!" Tarzan complained.
Tarzan had been living alone in his jungle kingdom for 30 years with only apes for company, and suitably shaped holes in trees for sex. Jane, a reporter, came to Africa in search of this legendary figure.
Deep in the wilds she came to a clearing and discovered Tarzan vigorously thrusting into a jungle oak. She watched in awe for a while.
Finally, overcome by this display of animal passion Jane came out into the open and offered herself to him. As she reclined on the wild grass Tarzan ran up to her and gave her a big kick in the crotch.
In pain she screamed' What the hell did you do that for?'
Tarzan replied,' Always check for squirrels.'
1. What does Tarzan say when he sees a herd of elephants in the distance?
"Look, a herd of elephants in the distance"
2. What does Tarzan say when he sees a herd of elephants with sunglasses
in the distance?
Nothing. He doesn't recognize them.
3. What does Tarzan say when he sees a herd of giraffes in the distance?
"Haha! You fooled me once with those disguises, but not this time!"
4. What is the difference between en elephant and a plum?
An elephant is grey.
5. What does Jane say when she sees a herd of elephants in the distance?
"Look! A herd of plums in the distance" (Jane is colorblind)
6. How do you get four elephants into a Mini?
Two in the front, two in the back.
7. What game do four elephants in a mini play?
8. How do you get an elephant into the fridge?
1. Open door.
2. Insert elephant.
3. Close door.
How do you get a giraffe into the fridge?
1. Open more...
If Tarzan and Jane were Jewish, what would Cheetah be?
A fur coat!