Einstein Jokes / Recent Jokes

ALBERT Einstein's favourite story concerned himself. In a certain debating society, the subject of relativity came up: One member took it upon himself to elucidate the all-absorbing scientific theory. He explained, propounded and examined the subject for an hour. When he had finished, from sheer exhaustion, a listener spoke up.

'You know, after listening to you, I think you are really greater than Einstein himself. According to statistics, only twelve men in the whole world understand Einstein - but nobody understands you.'

Einstein dies and goes to heaven. At the Pearly Gates, Saint Peter tells him,
“You look like Einstein, but you have NO idea the lengths that some people will go to
sneak into Heaven. Can you prove who you really are? ”
Einstein ponders for a few seconds and asks, “Could I have a blackboard and some chalk? ”
Saint Peter snaps his fingers and a blackboard and chalk instantly appear. Einstein proceeds to describe with arcane mathematics and symbols his theory of relativity.
Saint Peter is suitably impressed. “You really ARE Einstein! ” he says. “Welcome
to heaven! ”
The next to arrive is Picasso. Once again, Saint Peter asks for credentials. Picasso asks, “Mind if I use that blackboard and chalk? ”
Saint Peter says, “Go ahead. ” Picasso erases Einstein's equations and sketches a truly stunning mural with just a few
strokes of chalk.
Saint Peter claps. “Surely you are the great artist you claim to be! ” he says. more...

George W. Bush, Albert Einstein and Pablo Picasso have all died. Due to a glitch in the mundane/celestial time-space continuum, all three arrive at the Pearly Gates more or less simultaneously, even though their deaths have taken place decades apart. The first to present himself to Saint Peter is Einstein. Saint Peter questions him. "You look like Einstein, but you have NO idea the lengths certain people will go to, to sneak into Heaven under false pretenses. Can you prove who you really are?" Einstein ponders for a few seconds and asks, "Could I have a blackboard and some chalk?" Saint Peter complies with a snap of his fingers. The blackboard and chalk instantly appear. Einstein proceeds to describe with arcane mathematics and symbols his special theory of relativity. Saint Peter is suitably impressed. "You really *are* Einstein! Welcome to heaven!" The next to arrive is Picasso. Once again Saint Peter asks for his credentials. Picasso doesn`t hesitate. more...

Einstein said that talking to yourself is a sign of intelligence. Answering yourself, however, is a sign of insanity.

When Albert Einstein was making the rounds of the speaker's circuit, he usually found himself eagerly longing to get back to his laboratory work.
One night as they were driving to yet another rubber-chicken dinner, Einstein mentioned to his chauffeur (a man who somewhat resembled Einstein in looks & manner) that he was tired of speechmaking.
"I have and idea, boss," his chauffeur said. "I've heard you give this speech so many times. I'll bet I could give it for you."
Einstein laughed loudly and said, "Why not? Let's do it!"
When they arrive at the dinner, Einstein donned the chauffeur's cap and jacket and sat in the back of the room. The chauffeur gave a beautiful rendition of Einstein's speech and even answered a few questions expertly.
Then a supremely pompous professor asked an extremely esoteric question about anti-matter formation, digressing here and there to let everyone in the audience know that he was nobody's more...

They laughed at Einstein. They laughed at the Wright Brothers. But they also laughed at Bozo the Clown.

When Albert Einstein was making the rounds of the speaker's circuit,
he usually found himself eagerly longing to get back to his laboratory
work. One night as they were driving to yet another rubber-chicken
dinner, Einstein mentioned to his chauffeur (a man who somewhat
resembled Einstein in looks & manner) that he was tired of
speechmaking.
"I have and idea, boss," his chauffeur said. "I've heard you give this
speech so many times. I'll bet I could give it for you." Einstein
laughed loudly and said, "Why not? Let's do it!"
When they arrive at the dinner, Einstein donned the chauffeur's cap
and jacket and sat in the back of the room. The chauffeur gave a
beautiful rendition of Einstein's speech and even answered a few
questions expertly.
Then a supremely pompous professor ask an extremely esoteric question
about anti-matter formation, digressing here and there to let everyone
in the audience know more...