Arrive Jokes

  • Funny Jokes


    Hot 5 years ago

    1. Stand perfectly still at the front window until someone on the street notices you. Quickly pull the blinds down, then, seconds later, peer around the blinds at them. Proceed until they a) Go away, or b) Call the police.
    2. Play the same CD on every stereo in the house at once. Try to synchronize them.
    3. SCARE YOUR PETS!!! Then cuddle them. THEN SCARE THEM AGAIN!!! Then cuddle them. Ahh, a nice, quiet cuddle-SCARE!!! No baby, it's okay... SCARE!!! If they run away, they'll be back, for food; make sure you're ready for action when they return.
    4. Sit on the front porch with a bottle of scotch. Yell abuse at pedestrians. Say nonsense. Wave your arms. Yell. For bonus points, colour a tooth black beforehand.
    5. Hide in the bushes near your mailbox and wait for the mailman to arrive. When he reaches for the mailbox, scream as loud as you can. If he tries again, scream again.
    6. Report a robbery to the police. When they arrive and ask what was stolen, reply "Only more...

    1. Rather than milk and cookies, leave him a salad, and a note stating that you think he could stand to lose a few pounds.
    2. While he's in your house, find his sleigh and write him a speeding ticket.
    3. Leave him a note saying you're away on holidays and asking if he would mind watering your plants.
    4. While he's in your house, replace all his reindeer with exact replicas, then wait and see what happens when he tries to get them to fly.
    5. Keep an angry bull in your living room. If you think a bull goes wild when he sees a little red cape, just wait until he sees that big, red, Santa suit.
    6. Throw a surprise party for him when he comes down the chimney and refuse to let him leave until the strippers arrive.
    7. While he's still in your house, find his sleigh and sit in it. When he comes back out and sees you, tell him he never should have missed that last payment, and take off.
    8. Leave a plate filled with freshly baked cookies and a glass of milk out, more...

    1:00 am - Alarm clock rings
    2:00 am - Hunting partners arrive, drag you out of bed
    2:30 am - Throw everything except the kitchen sink into the pick-up
    3:00 am - Leave for the deep woods
    3:15 am - Back home to pick up gun
    3:30 am - Set up camp. Forgot the damn tent
    4:00 am - Drive like hell to get to the woods before daylight
    4:30 am - Set up camp
    6:05 am - Head for the woods
    6:06 am - See eight deer
    6:07 am - Take aim and squeeze the trigger
    6:08 am - CLICK
    8:00 am - Load gun while watching deer go over the hill
    9:00 am - Head back to camp
    12:00 NOON - Fire gun for help-eat wild berries
    12:15 pm - Run out of bullets-eight deer come back
    12:20 pm - Strange feeling in stomach
    12:30 pm - Realize you ate poison berries
    12:45 pm - Rescued
    12:55 pm - Rushed to hospital to have stomach pumped
    3:00 pm - Arrive back at camp
    3:30 pm - Leave camp to kill deer
    4:00 pm - Return to camp for bullets
    4:01 pm - more...

    Dans un bar un gars arrive joyeux:
    -moi j'ai un QI de 180 !!
    un autre lui r

    Festivity Level One
    Your guests are sitting around chatting, nibbling the party food, sipping their drinks. They are admiring your Christmas tree ornaments and stand around the piano singing carols.
    Festivity Level Two
    Your guests are talking loudly, occasionally to one another. They are wolfing down the food, gulping their drinks, rearranging your Christmas ornaments and sitting on the piano singing "I Gotta Be Me."
    Festivity Level Three
    Your guests are holding conversations with inanimate objects, gulping other peoples' drinks, wolfing down Christmas ornaments and dancing around the piano shouting the words to "I Can't Get No Satisfaction".
    Festivity Level Four
    Your guests, food smeared across their naked bodies, are capering around the burning Christmas tree in some unholy ritual. The piano is missing.
    Unless you rent your home, or own heavy firearms, you generally don't want your parties operating above Level Three. The true test more...

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