Doc Jokes / Recent Jokes

A fellow went to the doctor one day and said, "Doc, I have a problem. My penis is red." Doctor replied, "Drop your pants, let me take a look. Ummm... yes, no problem, we can have you fixed up in no time, $40." The fellow was impressed. Told his friend of the experience and that he hadn't been to a doctor for only $40 for quite a spell. His friend said, "Really? I have a similar problem. What doctor did you go to?" So his friend goes to the same doctor and tells him, "Doc, George recommended you... you've got to help me. My penis is blue." Doc asks to take a look. "Ah yes... Ummm... Yep, we can take care of it, no problem, $400." "FOUR HUNDRED DOLLARS?" Wait a MINUTE! You took care of George for only $40." "Yes, I did. But George's penis had lipstick on it. Yours has gangrene!"

What should you do if you get lots of e-mails saying,' What's up, Doc? What's up, Doc?' Check for bugs in your system.

A man wakes up in a hospital bed after a terrible accident and cries - "DOC, DOC... I can't feel my legs, I can't feel my legs!!!"Well of course you can't silly!", replies the Doc..."I've cut off both of your arms."

A guy out on the golf course takes a high speed ball right in the crotch. Writhing in agony, he falls to the ground. When he finally gets himself to the doctor, he says," How bad is it doc? I'm going on my honeymoon next week and my fiancee is still a virgin in every way."
The doc said, "I'll have to put your penis in a splint to let it heal and keep it straight. It should be okay next week." So he took four tongue depressors and formed a neat little four-sided bandage, and wired it all together; an impressive work of art.
The guy mentions none of this to his girl, marries, and on his honeymoon night in the motel room, she rips open her blouse to reveal a gorgeous set of breasts. This was the first time he had seen them. She says, "You'll be the first, no one has ever touched these breasts."
He whips down his pants and says, "Look at this, it's still in the CRATE!"

"You're in remarkable shape for a man your age," said the doctor to the ninety-year old man after the examination.

"I know it," said the old gentleman. "I've really got only one complaint - my sex drive is too high. Got anything you can do for that, Doc?"

The doctor's mouth dropped open. "Your what?!" he gasped.

"My sex drive," said the old man. "It's too high, and I'd like to have you lower it if you can."

"Lower it?!" exclaimed the doctor, still unable to believe what the ninety-year old gentleman was saying. "Just what do you consider' high'?"

"These days it seems like it's all in my head, Doc," said the old man, "and I'd like to have you lower it a couple of feet if you can."

A pirate walked into a bar and the bartender said, “Hey, I haven’t seen you in a while. What happened, you look terrible! ” “What do you mean? I’m fine. ” “What about that wooden leg? You didn’t have that before. ” “Well, ” said the pirate, “We were in a battle at sea and a cannon ball hit my leg but the Doc fixed me up, and I’m fine, really. ” “Oh yeah? Well what about that hook? The last time I saw you, you had both hands. ” “We were in another battle and we boarded the enemy ship. I was in a sword fight and my hand was cut off but the Doc fixed me up with the hook, and I feel great, really. ” “Oh, ” said the bartender, “what about that eye patch? The last time you were in here you had both eyes. ” “One day when we were at sea some birds were flying over the ship. I looked up and one of them crapped in my eye. ” “You’re kidding, ” said the bartender, “you couldn’t have lost an eye just from some bird crap! ” “Well, I more...

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3. 20 Questions Shouted into your Good Ear
4. Kick the Bucket
5. Doc, Doc, Goose
6. Simon Says Something Incoherent
7. Hide and Go Sleep
8. Spin the Bottle of Mylanta
9. Musical Recliners