Doc Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    A guy went out on the golf course took a high-speed ball right in the crotch. Writhing in agony, he fell to the ground. When he finally got himself to the doctor, he said, "How bad is it doc? I'm getting married next week, and my fiancee is still a virgin in every way." The doc said, "I'll have to put your penis in a splint to let it heal and keep it straight. It should be okay by next week." So he took four tongue depressors and formed a neat little 4-sided bandage, and wired it all together; an impressive work of art. The guy mentioned none of this to his girl. They got married and on the honeymoon night in their hotel room, she rips open her blouse to reveal a gorgeous set of breasts. This was the first time he saw them, and she said,You'll be the first; no one has ever touched them before." He tore off his pants and said, "Look at this. It's still in the crate!"

    Midgit Surgery

    Hot 3 years ago

    There was a midget down in Texas who complained to his buddy that his testicles ached almost all the time. As he was always complaining about his problem, his friend finally suggested that he go to a doctor to see what could be done to relieve the problem. The midget took his advice and went to the doctor and told him what the problem was.
    The doctor told him to drop his pants and he would have a look. The midget dropped his pants. The doctor put him up onto the examining table, and started to examine him. The doc put one finger under his left testicle and told the midget to turn his head and cough-the usual method to check for a hernia. "Aha!" the doc and putting his finger under the right testicle, he asked the midget to cough again. "Aha!" said the doctor and reached for his surgical scissors. Snip, snip, snip, snip on the right side then snip, snip, snip, snip, snip, snip, snip on the left side.
    The midget was so scared he was afraid to look, but more...

    Brown Balls

    Hot 5 years ago

    The father of 17 kids goes to the doc's with a rash on his belly. "All right" says the Doc, "drop' em and let's have a look." Having been confronted with the evidence the Doc exclaims "Yes, you've got a bad rash there, but my word, what brown balls you've got. They're truly remarkable!".

    The patient is a bit embarrassed and says "Look Doc, what about the rash?"

    "Oh that's easy," said the Doc, "Here's some cream to rub on. By the way, those brown balls are amazing, my I ask....."

    "No," said the patient, "You can't. Now, is that all Doc?"

    "Well, " said the Doctor, " You could stop the rash coming back with a bit better hygiene. Tell your wife you need clean underpants every day. And those really are the brownest balls I've ever seen!"

    The guy goes home and tells his wife that the Doctor says he needs clean underpants every more...

    There was a wizened old country doctor who could treat anything. Well it seems one time, one of the mountain folk came into his office with three complaints. "Doc," he said, "I can`t taste nothin`, I can`t tell the truth, and I can`t remember nothin` besides." Well the old Doc thought about this for a minute and went back, and made of two capsules full with cowdung, and gave them both to the man, and telling him to take one immediately, chewing well. Well, the man did as he was told, bit down and started chewing, then yelled out, "Yeachhhh... This stuff tastes like shit." "Uh huh," the doctor said, "Well I see that you can taste, and you`re certainly telling the truth now. And the next time that you`re memory is acting up, just take the other pill." And the old Doc charged the man fifteen bucks and sent him on his way, and never did hear no trouble from him much after that.

    There are several kinds of doctors, and it is more...

    Doctor Jokes

    Hot 2 years ago

    Patient: My hair keeps falling out. What can you give me to keep it in?
    Doctor: A shoebox.

    Doctor: Did you know that there are more than 1, 000 bones in the human body?
    Patient: Shhh, doctor! My dog's outside in the waiting room!

    As the doctor completed an examination of the patient, he said, "I can't
    find a cause for your complaint. Frankly, I think it's due to drinking."
    "In that case," said the patient, "I'll come back when you're sober".

    Nurse: "Doctor, don't cut so deep.
    That's the third operating table you've ruined this month!"

    A man speaks frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant,
    and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"
    "Is this her first child?" the doctor queries.
    "No, you *idiot*!" the man shouts. "This is her *husband*!"

    Patient: Doctor, I have a split personality.
    Psychiatrist: more...

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