Darth Jokes / Recent Jokes

Q. How did Darth Vader know what Luke Skywalker had for Christmas?
A. He felt his presence!

Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker were having one of their little father and son chats... light sabers drawn and sparks flying.
Vader pinned Luke against a bulkhead and glared into his face, "I know what you're getting for Christmas, Luke," he said, "Ohhh, yes! I know!"
Luke fought himself free and jumped to a higher platform just out of Vader's reach,
"How do you know!?" Luke yelled at him, "How do you know what I'm getting for Christmas!?"
Darth Vader shot Luke an icy glare, "The force is with me... I felt your presents."

1> Barbie Wan Kenobie's Malibu Deathstar

2> Darth Vibrader

3> "Ewok On A Stick" toilet brushes

4> Volkswagon's "Return of the Jetta"

5> Tampex Tampons, now with starfighter X-wings and lightsabre applicator

6> Darth Vader Ginsberg doll -- Black robe and goofy glasses sold separately

7> Metamucil - "May the Force run through you!"

8> McDonald's Ewok Burger Happy Meal

9> "Do you know me? Probably not, if I'm out of my Stormtrooper uniform. That's why I carry American Express."

10> Han Solo Cups

11> R2D2, C3PO & KY4U "Adult Action Figures"

12> Lando Calrissian Cognac -- 40 Parsecs of smoooooth

13> Princess Chia

14> Chewbacca Chew'n T'bacca, from Skoal

15> The "Princess LeiaMe" blow-up doll

The Top 15 Surprises in the Re-Mastered "Star Wars"15 New scene in which Chewbacca teaches Han Solo how to lick himself. 14 He might not sound as fearsome as before, but that Primatene Mist of Darth Vader's seems to have helped his breathing immensely. 13 Added scene in which Tonya Harding whacks Princess Lea on the knee with a light saber. 12 Luke accused of killing ex-wife and advised by Obi Wan to "Use the Fifth, Luke." 11 The commercial tie-in appearance of Jabba's big brother, Pizza the Hut. 10 Newly-colorized Darth Vader is mauve. 9 C3PO has a conspicuous "Intel Inside" sticker on his shiny brass ass. 8 Han, Luke, Obi-Wan and C3PO now sporting bitchin' goatees. 7 New scene where Luke shakes JFK's hand and tells him he has to pee. 6 Jabba the Butt-head saying, "Hehe... hehe... she said,' Lay ya.'"5 Revealing scene in the bathroom shows how "Han Solo" got his name. 4 During one lonely night, Princess Lea finds R2D2's special more...

In a cut sequence from the Return of the Jedi, Luke Skywalker and Darth Vader are fighting a duel to the death when suddenly Darth says to Luke, "Not only am I your Father, but I also know what you're getting for Christmas!"
Taken aback by the change of subject and suspecting a trap, Luke replies cautiously, "How could you possibly know what I'm getting for Christmas?"
Darth Vader said, "Because I've felt your presents."

Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker were having one of their little father and son chats... light sabers drawn and sparks flying.

Vader pinned Luke against a bulkhead and glared into his face, "I know what you're getting for Christmas, Luke," he said, "Ohhh, yes! I know!"

Luke fought himself free and jumped to a higher platform just out of Vader's reach,

"How do you know!?" Luke yelled at him, "How do you know what I'm getting for Christmas!?"

Darth Vader shot Luke an icy glare, "The force is with me... I felt your presents."

The Real Skywalker Lineage(Setting: A furious lightsaber duel is underway. Darth Vader is backing Luke Skywalker towards the end of the gantry. A quick move by Vader chops off Luke's hand. It goes spinning off into the ventilation shaft. Luke backs away. He looks around, but realizes there's nowhere to go but straight down....)
Darth Vader: Obi Wan never told you what happened to your father.
Luke: He told me enough! He told me you killed him!
Darth Vader: No, Luke... I am your father!
Luke: No! It's not true! It's impossible.
Darth Vader: Search your feelings... you know it to be true.
Luke: NO!
Darth Vader: Yes, it is true... and you know what else? You know that brass droid of yours?
Luke: Threepio? Darth Vader: Yes, C-3PO. I built him - when I was only seven years old.
Luke: No!
Darth Vade: Seven years old! And what have you done? Look at yourself: No lightsaber, no hand, no job and couldn't even levitate your own ship out of the more...