A furious lightsaber duel is underway. Darth Vader is backing Luke Skywalker
towards the end of the gantry. A quick move by Vader chops off Luke's hand!
It goes spinning off into the ventilation shaft. Luke backs away. He looks
around, but realizes there's nowhere to go but straight down.
Darth Vader: "Obi Wan never told you what happened to your father."
Luke: "He told me enough! He told me you killed him!"
Darth Vader: "No... I am your father!"
Luke: "No, it's not true! It's impossible."
Darth Vader: "Search your feelings... you know it to be true..."
Darth Vader: "Yes, it is true.. and you know what else? You know that brass
droid of yours?"
Darth Vader: "Yes... Threepio... I built him... when I was 7 years old..."
Darth Vader: "Seven years old? And what have you done? Look at more...
1. You ever heard the phrase, "May the force be with y'all."
2. Your Jedi robe is camouflage
3. You have ever used your light saber to open a bottle of Boone's Farm Strawberry Hill, or Mad Dog 20-20.
4. At least one wing of your X-Wing is primer colored.
5. You have bantha horns on the front of your landspeeder.
6. You can easily describe the taste of an Ewok.
7. You have ever had an X-Wing up on blocks in your yard.
8. The worst part of spending time on Dagobah is the dadgum skeeters.
9. Wookies are offended by your B.O.
10. You have ever used the force to get yourself another beer so you didn't have to wait for a commercial.
11. You have ever used the force in conjunction with fishing/bowling.
12. Your father has ever said to you, "Shoot, son come on over to the darkside... it'll be a hoot."
13. You have ever had your R-2 unit use its self-defenseelectro-shock thingy to get the barbecue grill to light.
14. You more...
1. Battle droids in a high tech galactic civilisation where FTL travel is common have targeting systems inferior to those on a F-15.
2. Actually, their targeting systems are inferior to a spastic eight year old with a slingshot.
3. After the Jedi Knights have proven they can deflect laser bolts with their light sabers, the battle droids never think to stop firing.
4. Rather than having integral weapons systems, battle droids are cleverly designed to carry weapons that can be picked up and used against them by their opponents.
5. In the Star Wars universe, "Palpatine" means "Clinton."
6. A Phantom Menace character's level of annoying goofiness is directly proportional to the number of action figures of said character Lucasfilms hopes to sell to small children.
7. The Planet Naboo has underwater Rastafarians, but not underwater ganja.
8. Darth Maul has a black robe, a black shirt, black more...
(Setting: A furious lightsaber duel is underway. Darth Vader is backing Luke Skywalker towards the end of the gantry. A quick move by Vader chops off Luke's hand. It goes spinning off into the ventilation shaft. Luke backs away. He looks around, but realizes there's nowhere to go but straight down....)
Darth Vader: Obi Wan never told you what happened to your father.
Luke: He told me enough! He told me you killed him!
Darth Vader: No, Luke... I am your father!
Luke: No! It's not true! It's impossible.
Darth Vader: Search your feelings... you know it to be true.
Darth Vader: Yes, it is true... and you know what else? You know that brass droid of yours?
Darth Vader: Yes, C-3PO. I built him - when I was only seven years old.
Darth Vader: Seven years old! And what have you done? Look at yourself: No lightsaber, no hand, no job and couldn't even levitate your own ship out of the swamp.
Luke: I more...
15. The "Princess LeiaMe" blow-up doll
14. Chewbacca Chew'n T'bacca, from Skoal
13. Princess Chia
12. Lando Calrissian Cognac - 40 Parsecs of smoooooth
11. R2D2, C3PO & KY4U "Adult Action Figures"
10. Han Solo Cups
9. "Do you know me? Probably not, if I'm out of my Stormtrooper uniform. That's why I carry American Express."
8. McDonald's Ewok Burger Happy Meal
7. Metamucil - "May the Force run through you!"
6. Darth Vader Ginsberg doll - Black robe and goofy glasses sold separately
5. Tampex Tampons, now with starfighter X-wings and lightsabre applicator
4. Volkswagon's "Return of the Jetta"
3. "Ewok On A Stick" toilet brushes
2. Darth Vibrader
and the Number 1 Rejected Star Wars Trilogy Marketing Tie-in...
1. Barbie Wan Kenobie's Malibu Deathstar