Cubs Jokes / Recent Jokes

The other day was take your daughter to work day. The Cubs had a fun time, played a little scrimmage against their daughters.
Unfortunately they lost, 15-3.

In your next life would you rather be a female bear?
If you're a bear, you get to hibernate. You do nothing but sleep for six months. Could you deal with that?
Before you hibernate, you're supposed to eat yourself stupid. Could you deal with that too?
If you're a bear, you give birth to your children (who are the size of walnuts) while you're sleeping and wake to partially grown, cute cuddly cubs. Could you deal with that?
If you're a mumma bear, everyone knows you mean business. You swat anyone who bothers your cubs. If your cubs get out of line, you swat them, too. Could you deal with that?
If you're a bear, your mate EXPECTS you to wake up growling. He EXPECTS that you will have hairy legs and excess body fat.
Any women out there rather be a bear?

Three baseball fans were on their way to a game when one noticed a foot sticking out of the bushes by the side of the road. They stopped and discovered a nude female dead drunk. Out of respect, the Cubs fan took off his cap and placed it over her right breast. The Red Sox fan took off his cap and placed it over her left breast. Following their lead, the Yankee fan took off his cap and placed it over her crotch. The police were called and when the officer arrived, he conducted his inspection. First, he lifted up the Cubs cap, replaced it, and wrote down some notes. Next, he lifted the Sox cap, replaced it, and wrote down some more notes. The officer then lifted the Yankees cap, replaced it, then lifted it again, replaced it, lifted it a third time, and replaced it one last time. The Yankee fan was getting upset and finally asked, "What are you, a pervert or something? Why do you keep lifting and looking, lifting and looking?" Well," said the officer. "I am simply more...

Three baseball fans were on their way to a game when one noticed a foot sticking out of the bushes by the side of the road. They stopped and discovered a nude female dead drunk. Out of respect and propriety, the Cubs fan took off his cap and placed it over her right breast. The Red Sox fan took off his cap and placed it over her left breast. Following their lead, the Yankee fan took off his cap and placed it over her crotch. The police were called and when the officer arrived, he conducted his inspection. First, he lifted up the Cubs cap, replaced it, and wrote down some notes. Next, he lifted the Sox cap, replaced it, and wrote down some more notes. The officer then lifted the Yankees cap, replaced it, then lifted it again, replaced it, lifted it a third time, and replaced it one last time. The Yankee fan was getting upset and finally asked, "What are you, a pervert or something? Why do you keep lifting and looking, lifting and looking?" Well," said the officer. more...

A zoo in Ethopia is poisoning lion cubs because they cannot afford to keep them. The zoo released a statement that said it regrets dealing with the problem in this way, but Ethiopia is a poor desert country that has neither the bags nor the lakes needed for conventional cub disposal.

(Baseball humor, for those out there who are Non-Cub fans.)
In 1908, the Chicago Cubs won the World Series. Since then:
Radio was invented.
Four states were admitted to the Union.
The atomic bomb was dropped on Hiroshima and Nagasaki.
Television was invented.
The U.S. went through the Great Depression.
The U.S. participated in two world wars and two major armed
conflicts, Korea and Vietnam.
The NFL was founded.
Man landed on the moon.
Thirteen presidents were elected and one was appointed.
Harry Carey was born.
Wrigley Field was built and became the oldest baseball park
in the National League.
Five flag poles, erected at Wrigley Field for the purpose of
holding a World Series flag, have worn out and been replaced
without ever holding a pennant.
Lights were installed at twenty-five major league baseball
stadiums-except Wrigley Field.
Ten teams were added to the major leagues.
Halley's Comet passed the more...

The Chicago Cubs fired manager Dusty Baker, who thanked them for the promotion.