Counselor Jokes / Recent Jokes
A couple was having some trouble, so they did the right thing and went to a marriage counselor. After a few visits, and a lot of questioning and listening, counselor said that he had discovered the main problem.
He stood up, went over to the woman, asked her to stand, and gave her a hug. He looked at the man and said, "This is what your wife needs, at least once a day!"
The man frowned, thought for a moment, then said, "OK, what time do you want me to bring her back tomorrow?"
A couple was having some trouble, so they did the rightthing and went to a marriage counselor. After a few visits, and a lot of questioning and listening, the counselor saidthat he had discovered the main problem. He stood up, went over to the woman, asked her to stand, and gave her a hug. He looked at the man and said, "thisis what your wife needs, at least once a day!" The man frowned, thought for a moment, then said, "Ok, whattime do you want me to bring her back tomorrow?"
A young couple on the brink of divorce visit a marriage counselor. The counselor asks the wife about the problem. She responds, "My husband suffers from premature ejaculation."
The counselor turns to her husband and inquires "Is that true?"
The husband replies "Not exactly. I mean, she's the one that suffers, not me."
A husband and wife go visit a marriage counselor. First, the wife speaks to the counselor alone. The counselor asks, "You say you've been married 20 years, so what seems to be the problem?" The wife replies, "It's my husband -- he's driving me crazy! I'm going to leave him if he continues!" "How does he drive you crazy?" "For 20 years," she says, "he's been doing these stupid things. First, whenever we go out, he's always looking at the floor and refuses to go near anyone. It's very embarrassing."
The marriage counselor is amused, "Anything else?" "He keeps picking his nose all the time! Even in public!" "Hmm, anything else?" probes the counselor further. The wife hesitates, "whenever we're making love, he NEVER lets me be on top! Once in a while, I'd like to be in control!"
"Ah," says the counselor, "I think I'll talk to your husband now." So the wife goes out of more...
Magnussen goes to a marriage counselor and says, "My wife isn't as much fun as she used to be." The marriage counselor says, "Do you still enjoy a roll in the hay?" Magnussen says, "As much as the next fellow." The counselor says, "Maybe between you and the next fellow, she's exhausted."
A husband and wife go to a counselor after 15 years of marriage. The counselor asks them what the problem is and the wife goes into a orbit listing every problem they have ever had in the 15 years they've been married.
She goes on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on. Finally having enough, the counselor abruptly gets up, walks around the desk, embraces the wife and kisses her passionately.
The woman shuts up and pleasantly stunned, sits quietly in a daze.
The counselor turns to the husband and says, "This is what your wife needs at least three times a week. Can you do this?"
The husband thinks for a moment and replies,"Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I play golf."
After years of hiding the fact that the love is gone, Mom and Dad announced to their grown children that they're getting a divorce.
The kids were totally distraught and, as a stab at keeping their parents together, arranged a series of sessions for the whole family with a world-famous marriage counselor.
The counselor worked for hours, tried all of his methods and tricks, but the parents wouldn't even talk to each other.
Finally, he walked over to a closet, brought out an oboe, and began to play. After a minute or so, the parents started talking and, as the counselor continued soloing on the oboe, the couple discovered they're not that far apart and decided to give their marriage another try.
The children were amazed and asked the counselor how he managed to do it. He replied, "Simple. I've never seen a couple that wouldn't talk through an oboe solo."