Constable Jokes / Recent Jokes

Arrest these merry gentlemen and make them go away,
Arrest these merry gentlemen it may be Christmas Day.
But they're singing and they're shouting and they're causing an affray,

So take tidings to Constable Joy, Constable Joy,
So take tidings to Constable Joy.


Arrest these merry gentlemen a'begging in the street,
They're dirty and they're ragged, they've no boots upon their feet.
They're not the type of person who we really wish to meet,

So take tidings to Constable Joy, Constable Joy,
So take tidings to Constable Joy.


Arrest these merry gentlemen they're rough unruly louts,
Now they've started arguing and loudly they do shout.
And soon I think we'll see some Christmas boxing breaking out,

So take tidings to Constable Joy, Constable Joy,
So take tidings to Constable Joy.

Arrest these merry gentlemen who in their gutters crawl,
The good, the bad, the ugly, the more...

The following is a courtroom exchange between a defense attorneyand a farmer with a bodily injury claim. It came from a Houston, Texas insurance agent. Attorney: "At the scene of the accident, did you tell the constable you had never felt better in your life?"Farmer: "That's right."Attorney: "Well, then, how is it that you are now claiming you were seriously injured when my client's auto hit your wagon?"Farmer: "When the constable arrived, he went over to my horse, who had a broken leg, and shot him. Then he went over to Rover, mydog, who was all banged up, and shot him. When he asked me how I felt, I just thought under the circumstances, it was a wise choice of wordsto say I've never felt better in my life.

A police constable arrested some people printing fake currency notes and asked for instructions about what to do with them.' Send notes to headquarters/ came the reply.

No notes were received. So a reminder was sent to the constable.

He sent back the explanation,' Notes forwarded by postal money order.'

Two pandits riding on a cycle were stopped by a Sardarji constable."Don't you know riding on with pillon is forbidden in Punjab?" asked the constable, " I am going to fine you."
The pandits pleaded their innocence of the rules but he refused to let them go. Very exasperated the pandit who was driving the cycle replied, "All right, God is with us. Do what you like." " In that case, I'll fine you for having two on the pillion behind you".

Ujaagar now an important judge, was driving along a busy road in Chandigarh when he committed a traffic violation and was stopped by a young constable.
He gave his name to the constable, who thought for a moment and then asked if the driver was the well-known judge.
Ujaagar replied in the affirmative The constable then asked if he was the same lawyer who had become a public prosecutor and was now, the civil judge.
Ujaagar's hopes were on the rise as he responded that it was indeed correct.
'Well,' said the constable,' you won't be able to plead ignorance of the law, will you?'

The following is a courtroom exchange between a defense attorney and
a farmer with a bodily injury claim. It came from a Houston, Texas
insurance agent.
Attorney: "At the scene of the accident, did you tell the constable
you had never felt better in your life?"
Farmer: "That's right."
Attorney: "Well, then, how is it that you are now claiming you were
seriously injured when my client's auto hit your wagon?"
Farmer: "When the constable arrived, he went over to my horse, who
had a broken leg, and shot him. Then he went over to Rover, my dog,
who was all banged up, and shot him. When he asked me how I felt, I
just thought under the circumstances, it was a wise choice of words
to say I've never felt better in my life.

The following is a courtroom exchange between a defense attorneyand a farmer with a bodily injury claim. It came from a Houston, Texas insurance agent.Attorney: "At the scene of the accident, did you tell the constable you had never felt better in your life?"Farmer: "That's right."Attorney: "Well, then, how is it that you are now claiming you were seriously injured when my client's auto hit your wagon?"Farmer: "When the constable arrived, he went over to my horse, who had a broken leg, and shot him. Then he went over to Rover, mydog, who was all banged up, and shot him. When he asked me how I felt, I just thought under the circumstances, it was a wise choice of wordsto say I've never felt better in my life.