Commander Jokes / Recent Jokes
The company commander saw the results of Private Gibbson's Firing exercise and his face fell. The private exclaimed plaintively: "Sir, I think I am going to commit suicide by shooting myself."
"By shooting?" reasked the company commander, "Not a bad idea! But take as many cartridges as possible."
When asked what he thought about the new squad radio, one Army sergeant told the man from the R&D agency: "This squad radio should be replaced with a good whistle."
Little grandson asked: "Granddaddy, when you were in the Army and were posted as sentry at night, were you afraid?"
"I was, grand sonny, but only until I fell asleep."
Three women were being held in a foreign country. They were slated for the firing squad. The commander yells, "Ready... Aim..." and the brunette yells "Earthquake!!!"Immediately the soldiers fall to the ground and in the confusion the brunette escapes. The commander then tells his soldiers to get up. "Ready... Aim..." and the redhead yells "Tornado!!!"Immediately the soldiers fall to the ground and in the confusion the redhead escapes. The commander then yells to his soldiers to get up. "Ready... Aim..." and the blonde yells "Fire!!!"
A young Air Force 2nd Lieutenant had just arrived at Misawa AFB in Japan. He’d been given a beautiful renovated office and had it furnished with antiques. Sitting there, he saw an enlisted man come into his outer office. Wishing to appear the hot shot, the officer picked up the phone and started to pretend he was exchanging chit chat with the Base Commander. He threw Colonel’s and General’s names around and talked about letting them stay in his Daddy’s condo in Hawaii, and then set up a golfing date between him, the Base Commander, and the CO’s of the Naval Security Group and Naval Air Facility.
Finally he hung up and asked the Sergeant, “Can I help you sergeant? ”The TSGT said, “Yes sir, I’m here to activate your phone lines. ”
The officer reported to the watch commander about having no luck with the witness.
"Did you browbeat him, yell at him, and ask him every question you could come up with?" asked the watch commander.
"I certainly did."
"And?"
"And he said,' Yes dear you're right,' and dozed off!"
"It's nice to be back," said the Space Shuttle's commander, Captain Brent Jett.
His comment was seconded by Mission Specialist Rex Rocket, Lieutenant Jane Spaceway, and Commander Cody and His Lost Planet Airmen.
A young Air Force 2nd Lieutenant had just arrived at Misawa AFB in Japan.
He'd been given a beautiful renovated office and had it furnished with antiques.
Sitting there, he saw an enlisted man come into his outer office.
Wishing to appear the hot shot, the officer picked up the phone and started to pretend he was exchanging chit chat with the Base Commander.
He threw Colonel's and General's names around and talked about letting them stay in his Daddy's condo in Hawaii, and then set up a golfing date between him, the Base Commander, and the CO's of the Naval Security Group and Naval Air Facility.
Finally he hung up and asked the Sergeant, "Can I help you sergeant?"
The TSGT said, "Yes sir, I'm here to activate your phone lines."
A COLONEL ISSUED THE FOLLOWING DIRECTIVE TO HIS EXECUTIVE OFFICERS: "Tomorrow evening at approximately 2000 hours Halley's Comet will be visible in this area; an event which occurs only every 75 years. Have the men fall out in the battalion area in fatigues, and I will explain this rare phenomenon to them. In case of rain, we will not be able to see anything, so assemble the men in the theater and I will show them films of it." EXECUTIVE OFFICER TO COMPANY COMMANDER: "By order of the Colonel, tomorrow at 2000 hours, Halley's Comet will appear above the battalion area. If it rains, fall the men out in fatigues, then march to the theater where this rare phenomenon will take place, something which occurs only once every 75 years." COMPANY COMMANDER TO LIEUTENANT: "By order of the Colonel be in fatigues at 2000 hours tomorrow evening. The phenomenal Halley's Comet will appear in the theater. In case of rain in the battalion area, the Colonel will give another more...