Battle Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Battle on the Ocean

    Hot 1 year ago

    Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the waves, a captain and his crew were in danger of being boarded by a pirate ship. As the crew became frantic, the captain bellowed to his First Mate,' Bring me my red shirt!'The First Mate quickly retrieved the captain's red shirt, which the captain put on and led the crew to battle the pirate boarding party. Although some casualties occurred among the crew, the pirates were repelled. Later that day, the lookout screamed that there were two pirate vessels sending boarding parties. The crew cowered in fear, but the captain, calm as ever bellowed,' Bring me my red shirt!'And once again the battle was on. However, the Captain and his crew repelled both boarding parties, though this time more casualties occurred. Weary from the battles, the men sat around on deck that night recounting the day's occurrences when an ensign looked to the Captain and asked,' Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before the battle?'The Captain, giving the ensign a look more...

    Life Insurance Sales

    Hot 7 years ago

    Private Jones was assigned to the army induction center, where he advised new recruits about their government benefits, especially their Serviceman's Group Life Insurance (SGLI). It wasn't long before the center's lieutenant noticed that Private Jones had almost a 100% record for insurance sales, which had never happened before. Rather than ask about this, the lieutenant stood in the back of the room and listened to Jones's sales pitch.
    Jones explained the basics of the SGLI to the new recruits, and then said:
    "If you have SGLI and go into battle and are killed, the government has to pay $200,000 to your beneficiaries. If you don't have SGLI, and you go into battle and get killed, the government has to pay only a maximum of $6000."
    "Now," he concluded, "which recruits do you think they are going to send into battle first?"

    Exasperated dragon on the field of battle:
    "Mother said there would be knights like this."

    Captains Red Shirt

    Hot 3 years ago

    Centuries ago when the Seas were ruled by pirates, there was a certain captain. One day this captain was relaxing when the lookout burst into his quarters. "Captain, pirate ship off the port bow!"
    The captain then called for his first mate and said, "First mate, bring me my red shirt!" The red shirt was brought to him, they went into battle and won.
    The next day the lookout again burst into the room and said, "Captain, two pirate ships closing fast!" Once again the captain called for the first mate and said, "First mate, bring me my red shirt!" The first mate brought him his red shirt and once again they won the battle.
    During the celebration the first-mate asked, "Captain, why do you always ask for your red shirt when we go into battle?"
    "The answer is simple. That way, if I'm injured, the crew won't know and they won't lose hope."
    Just then the lookout burst through the door, "Captain, ten ships more...

    Funny Tidbits

    Hot 2 years ago

    In the 1400's a law was set forth in England that a
    man was allowed to beat his wife with a stick no
    thicker than his thumb. Hence we have "the rule of
    thumb"
    Many years ago in Scotland, a new game was invented.
    It was ruled "Gentlemen Only...Ladies Forbidden"...and
    thus the word GOLF entered into the English language.
    The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime
    time TV were Fred and Wilma Flintstone.
    Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the
    U.S.Treasury.
    Men can read smaller print than women can; women can
    hear better.
    Coca-Cola was originally green.
    It is impossible to lick your elbow.
    The State with the highest percentage of people who
    walk to work: Alaska
    The percentage of Africa that is wilderness: 28% (now
    get this...)
    The percentage of North America that is wilderness:
    38%
    The cost of raising a medium-size dog to the age of
    eleven: $6,400
    The more...

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