"Captains Red Shirt" joke
Centuries ago when the Seas were ruled by pirates, there was a certain captain. One day this captain was relaxing when the lookout burst into his quarters. "Captain, pirate ship off the port bow!"
The captain then called for his first mate and said, "First mate, bring me my red shirt!" The red shirt was brought to him, they went into battle and won.
The next day the lookout again burst into the room and said, "Captain, two pirate ships closing fast!" Once again the captain called for the first mate and said, "First mate, bring me my red shirt!" The first mate brought him his red shirt and once again they won the battle.
During the celebration the first-mate asked, "Captain, why do you always ask for your red shirt when we go into battle?"
"The answer is simple. That way, if I'm injured, the crew won't know and they won't lose hope."
Just then the lookout burst through the door, "Captain, ten ships closing fast!"
"First mate, bring me my brown pants!"
One day, little Timmy was at school and heard the word "shit". He went home and asked his dad for the definition and he promptly told him "coats and jackets".
Timmy went to school the next day and heard the word "fucking", and for a second time, more...
Knock, knock
Who's there?
Did you ever hear the joke about the broken pencil?
Did you ever hear the joke about the broken pencil who?
Nevermind, it's pointless.