Churchill Jokes / Recent Jokes

"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire."-- Winston Churchill "A modest little person, with much to be modest about."-- Winston Churchill "I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure."-- Clarence Darrow "He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary."-- William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway) "Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?"-- Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner) "Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it."-- Moses Hadas "He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know."-- Abraham Lincoln "I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it."-- Groucho Marx "I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it."-- Mark Twain "He has no enemies, but is intensely more...

You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline. It helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer. --Frank Zappa

Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut. --Ernest Hemmingway

Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me. --Winston Churchill

He was a wise man who invented beer. --Plato

Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time. --Catherine Zandonella

A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the --decency to thank her. W.C. Fields

Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink. --Lady Astor to Winston Churchill

Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it. --His reply

If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have --given us stomachs. David Daye

Work is the curse of the drinking class. more...

A LADY tried to needle Winston Churchill after he had spoken at a meeting.' There are two things about you which I do not like she said.' One is your politics, the other is your moustache.'' Don't worry, Madam replied Churchill.' You are as unlikely to come in contact with the one as with the other.'

Churchill's Commentary on Man: Man will occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of the time he will pick himself up and continue on.

Winston Churchill was born in a ladies' room during a dance.

When Winston Churchill was attending a buffet lunch he said to his American hostess,' May I have some breast?' The hostess replied,' In this country, Mr. Churchill, we say white meat or dark meat.' Churchill apologised and next day sent her an orchid along with a card which read,' I would be most obliged if you would pin this on your white meat.'

You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline; it helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer.

Frank Zappa
Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut. Ernest Hemmingway
Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.

Winston Churchill
He was a wise man who invented beer. Plato
Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time. Catherine

Zandonella
A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.

W. C. Fields
Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink.

Lady Astor to Winston Churchill
Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it. His reply
If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us stomachs.

David Daye
Work is the curse of the drinking class. Oscar more...