Chili Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Twelve Days of Fast Food

    Hot 2 years ago

    On the first day of Christmas, My drive through gave to me: A Big Bacon Classic with cheese. On the second day of Christmas, My drive through gave to me: Two Happy Meals, and a Big Bacon Classic with cheese. On the third day of Christmas, My drive through gave to me: Three Biggie Fries, Two Happy Meals, And a Big Bacon Classic with cheese. On the fourth day of Christmas, My drive through gave to me: Four Egg McMuffins, Three Biggie Fries, Two Happy Meals, And a Big Bacon Classic with cheese. On the fifth day of Christmas, My drive through gave to me: Five onion rings, Four Egg McMuffins, Three Biggie Fries, Two Happy Meals, And a Big Bacon Classic with cheese. On the sixth day of Christmas, My drive through gave to me: Six chocolate milkshakes, Five onion rings, Four Egg McMuffins, Three Biggie Fries, Two Happy Meals, And a Big Bacon Classic with cheese. On the seventh day of Christmas, My drive through gave to me: Seven pints of cole slaw, Six chocolate milkshakes, Five onion rings, more...

    Texas Chili Contest

    Hot 2 years ago

    Notes from an inexperienced chili tester named Frank, who was visiting Texas from the east coast:
    Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off. The regular judge called in sick at the last minute and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking directions to the beer wagon when the call came. I was assured by the two other judges (native Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy, and besides, they told me I could have all the free beer I wanted during the chili tasting, so I accepted.
    Here are the scorecards from the event:
    CHILI #1: MIKE'S MANIAC MOBSTER MONSTER CHILI
    Judge #1: A little too heavy on tomato. Amusing kick.
    Judge #2: Nice, smooth flavor. Very mild.
    Frank: Holy shit, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me 3 beers to put the flames out. I hope this is the worst one. These Texans are crazy.
    CHILI #2: ARTHUR'S AFTERBURNER CHILI
    Judge #1: Smoky, with more...

    Once, a man walked into a bar. He went up to the counter and ordered his drink. The guy next to him had a bowl of chili that he didnt seem to be eating.
    "Sir, could I bother you for some chili?" he asked very politely.
    "Go right ahead" he responded, passing the chili.
    About half way through, he saw there was a rat at the bottom of the chili. In repsonse to this he puked the chili back up. At this time the man next to him stared.
    "Funny thats farther than I got," he said.

    A guy sits down in a Cafe' and asks for the hot chile.
    The waitress says, "The guy next to you got the last bowl."
    He looks over and sees that the guy's finished his meal, but the chili bowl is still full.
    He says, "Are you going to eat that?"
    The other guy says, "No. Help yourself."
    He takes it and starts to eat it. When he gets about half way down, his fork hits something. He looks down sees a dead mouse in it, and he pukes! the chili back into the bowl.
    The other guy says, "That's about as far as I got, too."

    A List of Dumps
    The Perfect Dump - Every once in a while, each of us experiences a perfect dump, it's rare, but a thing of beauty in all respects. You sit down expecting the worst, but what you get is a smooth sliding, fartless masterpiece that breaks the water with the splashless grace of an expert diver. But that's not the end of it. You use some toilet tissue only to find that it was totally unnecessary. It makes you feel that all is right with the world and you are in perfect harmony with it.
    The Beer Dump - Talk about nasty dumps. Depending on the dumper's tolerance, the beer dump is the end result of too many beers. It could have been 2 or 22, it doesn't matter. What you get is a sinister, lengthy, noisy dump accompanied by a malevolent fog that could close a bathroom for days.
    The Chili Dump - Hot when it goes in, and rocket fuel when it leaves. The chili dump stays with you all day, making your tush feel like a heat shield.
    The Cable Dump - Long, curly and more...

  • Recent Activity