Trucker Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Crazy Truck Driver

    Hot 1 month ago

    A truck driver stopped for a meal at and was just served when a huge caravan of Hells Angels roared in. As the gang entered the restraunt, everyone but the truck driver quickly paid thier bills and left. The truck driver quietly sat there eating his steak.
    The leader of the Hells Angels marched in and sat by the trucker at the bar, reached over and took his plate and began to eat the steak. Still unruffled, the trucker sat there quietly and drank his coffee. This infuriated the gang leader who grabbed the coffee and poured it on the trucker's head. Calmly the trucker wiped his head and walked to the cashier. Amid jears and insults from the gang the trucker paid his bill and left.
    When the waitress came to take their order, the gang leader remarked, "Boy, that guy wasn't much of a man was he. I stole his steak, called his mother a bitch, and even poured coffee on his head. And the whimp, he just walked away."
    The waitress replied, "Yea, I guess your right. more...

    Scouse Eggs

    Hot 1 year ago

    2 Scousers are riding along the M62 from Manchester to Liverpool on a motorbike. They break down and start hitching a lift. A friendly trucker stops to see if he can help and the scousers ask him for a lift.
    He tells them he has no room in the wagon as he is carrying 20, 000 bowling balls but will take a look at the bike for them. He tries everything he knows but is unable to repair it. Time is getting on now and he's late for his delivery so he tells the scousers he has to leave.
    "R hey lad" they say "gissa lift". The trucker once again explains that he has no room as he is carrying 20, 000 bowling balls. The scousers put it to the driver that if they can manage to fit in the back will he take them and he agrees.
    They manage to squeeze themselves and their motorbike into the back of the wagon so the driver shuts the doors and gets off on his way. By this time he is really late and so puts his foot down. Sure enough PC Plod of Greater Manchester more...

    A truck driver who had been delivering radioactive waste for the local reactor begins to feel sick after a few years on the job. He decided to seek compensation for his ailment. Upon his arrival at the workers' compensation department, he is interviewed by an assessor.Assessor: I see you work with radio-active materials and wish to claim compensation. Trucker: Yeah, I feel really sick. Assessor: Alright then, Does your employer take measures to protect you from radiation poisoning? Trucker: Yeah, he gives me a lead suit to wear on the job. Assessor: And what about the cabin in which you drive? Trucker: Oh yeah. That's lead lined, all lead lined. Assessor: What about the waste itself? Where is that kept? Trucker: Oh, the stuff is held in a lead container, all lead. Assessor: Let me see if I get this straight. You wear a lead suit, sit in a lead-lined cabin and the radio-active waste is kept in a lead container. Trucker: Yeah, that? s right. All lead. Assessor: Then I can't see how you more...

    A trucker picks up a hitchhiker who climbs up in the cab and notices a monkey on the dashboard.
    After a few miles, he asks the driver what the monkey is for.
    The driver says "I'll show you," and with that he hits the monkey with the back of his hand, sending the poor creature rolling across the dash.
    The monkey goes down between the drivers legs, unzips his pants, pulls out his unit and proceeds to give the trucker oral gratification.
    When finished, the monkey pulls out a tissue, cleans the driver up, puts everything back and jumps back up on the dashboard.
    "See that?" said the trucker.
    The man said, "Yeah."
    The trucker ask the man, "You want to try it?"
    The man said, "OK, but don't hit me as hard as you hit that monkey!"

    A young man at his first job as a waiter in a diner has a large trucker sit down at the counter and order, "Gimme three flat tires and a couple of headlights."

    Bewildered, he goes to the kitchen and tells the cook, "I think this guy's in the wrong store, look at what he ordered!"

    The cook says, "He wants three pancakes and two eggs sunny-side up."

    The waiter takes a bowl of beans to the trucker.

    He looks at it and growls, "What's this? I didn't order this!"

    The young man tells him, "The cook says that while you're waiting for your parts, you might as well gas up!"

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