Case Jokes / Recent Jokes

D y n a m i c D e i t y M a n a g e m e n t L t d .
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Date :- 3rd May 0023
TO:
Messrs Matthew, Mark, Luke & John (Publishers).
13a Sandy Wasteland Square,
Just Next to the Pizza Hut,
Judea.
Dear Sirs,
It is Mr. Christ's understanding that you are planning to write and
publish a biography of him in the near future. Such a biography would, he
is sure you would realise, be entirely unauthorised and if it were published
in the form you suggest he would be forced to take the matter up with the
highest authority.
However he can fully understand your wish to write about his life
and will sanction such a project a number of conditions:
That the title of the book be 'The Holy Bible' and not as you
propose, 'Hot and Salty - Our Sexy Savior's Saucy Story'.
That you do not mention the name of his natural Father (Elvin
Roxenby-Toke) who, for legal reasons, contests more...

A blonde walks into the police department looking for a job. The officer wants to ask her a few questions...
Officer: What's 2+2?
Blonde: Ummmmm... 4!
Officer: What's the square root of 100?
Blonde: Ummmm... 10!
Officer: Good! Now, who killed Abraham Lincoln?
Blonde: Ummmm... I dunno.
Officer: Well, you can go home and think about it. Come back tomorrow.
The blonde goes home and calls up one of her friends, who asks her if she got the job. The blonde says, excitedly, "Not only did I get the job, I'm already working on a murder case!"

A blonde and a brunette are in an elevator. It stops on the fourth floor and a man gets in who looks perfect... good looking, well built, nicely dressed. Unfortunately, in addition to noticing how attractive he is, both girls also notice his bad case of dandruff.
When the man gets off the elevator on the second floor and the doors close, the brunette turns to the blonde and says, "Gosh, that guy sure was a hunk, but someone should give him Head and Shoulders."
"That sounds like a good idea," replies the blonde, "but how do you give shoulders?"

A dog walks into a butcher shop with a purse strapped around hisneck. He walks up to the meat case and calmly sits there until it'shis turn to be waited on. A man, who was already in the butcher shop, finished his purchaseand noticed the dog. The butcher leaned over the counter and askedthe dog what it wanted today. The dog put its paw on the glass case in front of the ground beef, and the butcher said, "How many pounds?" The dog barked twice, so thebutcher made a package of two pounds ground beef. He then said,"Anything else?" The dog pointed to the pork chops, and the butchersaid, "How many?" The dog barked four times, and the butcher made upa package of four pork chops. The dog walked around behind the counter, so the butcher could getat the purse and take out the appropriate amount of money beforetying the two packages of meat around the dog's neck. The man, who had been watching all of this, decided to follow thedog. The dog walked for several blocks more...

From: General Manager
To: Departmental Heads
''On Friday evening at 5 p.m., Halley's Comet will be visible in this area—an event which occurs only once every 76 years. Please have the employees assemble in the park area outside the building and I will explain this rare phenomenon to them. In case of rain, we will not be able to see anything, so assemble the employees in the canteen and I will show them a film of it.''
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From: Departmental Heads
To: Deputy Departmental Heads
''By order of the General Manager on Friday at 5p.m., Halley's Comet will appear above the area outside the building. If it rains, please assemble the employees and proceed to the canteen, where this rare phenomenon will take place, something which occurs only every 76 years''
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From: Deputy Departmental Heads
To: Superintendent
''By the order of the General Manager, at 5 p.m. on Friday, the more...

Mr. Smith asked his wife for advice about his upcoming court case in which he could possibly win $50, 000 from the insurance company. “Honey, if I lie, I’ll win the case. But then I would have broken an oath sworn on the Holy Bible. ”
His wife says, “I don’t want to advise you to do the wrong thing, but. . . ”
“But, what? ”
“Let me put it this way, ” his wife explained. “Treat the prosecuting attorney like I treat you in bed. ”
Puzzled, Mr. Smith asks, “How so? ”
Mrs. Smith replies, “Just lie there ’til he goes away. ”

At the height of a political corruption trial, the prosecuting attorney attacked a witness. "Isn't it true," he bellowed, "that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?"
The witness stared out the window as though he hadn't hear the question.
"Isn't it true that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?" the lawyer repeated.
The witness still did not respond.
Finally, the judge leaned over and said, "Sir, please answer the question."
"Oh," the startled witness said, "I thought he was talking to you."