Bragging Jokes / Recent Jokes

Three older women were sitting around and bragging about their children. The first one says, "You know my son, he graduated with honors from Stanford, he's now a doctor making $250, 000 a year in Chicago."

The second woman says, "You know my son, he graduated first in his class from Harvard, he's now a lawyer making half a million dollars a year and he lives in Los Angeles."

The last woman says, "You know my son Morris, he never did too well is school, he never went to any university but he now makes 1 million dollars a year in New York working as a sports repairman."

The other two women ask, "Vos is a sports repairman?"

The third moma proudly replies, "Morris fixes hockey games, football games, baseball games, tennis matches...."

A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of international capitals. She proudly said, "Go ahead and quiz me. I know all of them!" Her friend said, "O. K. then, whats the capital of France?" The blonde replied, "Oh, thats so easy! F."

There are these kids at school, each bragging about how they ruined something in an amount of time.
1st kid: I wore out a pair of shoes in 1 month.
2nd kid: I wore out a pair of jeans in 1 week.
3rd kid: Oh that's nothing, I wore out my babysitter in 5 minutes!

A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals. She proudly says, "Go ahead, ask me, I know all of them." A friend says, "O. K., "What's the capital of Wisconsin?"
The blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy, W."

Three young boys were in the schoolyard bragging about their dads.
"My dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, calls it a poem, and they give him $50," the first boy said.
"Well, get this," the second boy said. "My dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, calls it a song, and they give him $100."
"I have both of you beat," said the third boy. "My dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, calls it a sermon, and it takes eight people to collect all the money!"

An American and an Israeli are busy bragging.
The American states, "Oh yeah, well it was the Americans that put the first man on the moon!"
The Israeli scoffs, "Big deal. Israel is working on putting the first man on the SUN!!"
The American re-scoffs, "Idiot! You can't put a man on the sun... he'll burn up!!"
The Israeli smiles winningly, "Shows how much you know... we're going at night!"

Three rats are sitting at the bar talking and bragging about their bravery and toughness.The first says, "I'm so tough, once I ate a whole bagful of rat poison!"The second says, "Well I'm so tough, once I was caught in a rat trap and I bit it apart!"Then the third rat gets up and says, "Later guys, I'm off home to harass the cat."