Boyfriend Jokes / Recent Jokes

Last year, many women upgraded their BOYFRIEND 3.1 to BOYFRIEND PLUS 1.0 (marketing name: FIANCE 1.0) and then further upgraded FIANCE 1.0 to HUSBAND 1.0. They found that 1.0 is a memory hogger and incompatible to many other programs in their lives. HUSBAND 1.0 includes plug-ins such as MOTHER-IN-LAW, BROTHER-IN-LAW, and ANNOYING LOSER FRIENDS although market research has clearly shown that they are unnecessary and unwanted.
The upcoming BOYFRIEND 4.0 will change all that. Created by leading experts in the field and based upon years of research and classroom lectures, it includes the best of the old features, such as the HANDYMAN FUNCTION, and includes many new functions such as the OPTIONAL COMMITMENT FEATURE. Other immature functions, such as BEER GUZZLING and CAT CALLING have been removed, though they can still be found on FRATBOY 1.1
BOYFRIEND 4.0 will include:
- An AUTOMATIC REMINDER BUTTON AND PAY ATTENTION FEATURE (so I don't have to repeat myself) - MINIMIZE BUTTON more...

How many women does it take to change a light bulb?
11 - 10 to form a committee and 1 to get her boyfriend to do it...
How can you tell if your wife is dead?
The sex is the same but the dishes pile up.
How many divorced Women does it take to screw in a light bulb?
4, 1 to screw in the bulb, 3 to form a support group.
How many women does it take to change a light bulb?
11, 10 to form a committee and 1 to get her boyfriend to do it..
How many men does it take to please a woman.
Impossible. Once a woman's done bitching about the men they're all asleep.
How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.
Why do women close their eyes during sex?
They can't stand to see a man have a good time.
What's worse than a male chauvinistic pig?
A women who won't do what she's told.
Why did the woman cross the road?
That's not the point, what's she doing out of the more...

A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her. She goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and sure enough, she opens the door and finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun but as she does so she is over come with grief. She takes the gun and points to her head. The boyfriend yells "No, honey, don't do it." The blonde replies "Shut up, you're next."

FIRST DEGREE
A married couple was asleep when the phone rang at 2 in
the morning. The wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the phone, listened a moment and said, “How should I know, that’s 200 miles from here! ” and hung up. The husband said, “Who was that? ” The wife said, “I don’t know, some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear. ”
SECOND DEGREE
Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, “Hmm, this person looks familiar. ” The second blonde says, Here, let me see! ” So the first blonde hands her the compact. The
second one looks in the mirror and says, “You dummy, it’s me! ”
THIRD DEGREE
A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is really more...

What is the difference between men and pigs?
Pigs don’t turn into men when they drink.

Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring and good-looking?
Because all those men already have boyfriends.

What is it when a woman talks nasty to a man?
$3. 99 a minute.

What is the definition of “making love”?
Something a woman does while a guy is screwing her.

What do you do with a bachelor who thinks he’s God’s gift?
Exchange him.

Why do bachelors like smart women?
Opposites attract.

Why don’t women blink during foreplay?
They don’t have enough time.

What’s the difference between a husband and a boyfriend?
About forty-five minutes.

How many men does it take to shingle a roof?
It depends on how thin you slice them.

Why did God create men?
Because a vibrator can’t mow the lawn.

What do you do if more...

Two high school sweethearts who went out together for four years in high school were both virgins; they enjoyed losing their virginity with each other in 10th grade.
When they graduated, they wanted to both go to the same college, but the girl was accepted to a college on the east coast and the guy went to the west coast.
They agreed to be faithful to each other and spend any time they could together.
As time went on, the guy would call the girl and she would never be home, and when he wrote, she would take weeks to return the letters.
Even when he emailed her, she took days to return his messages.
Finally, she confessed to him she wanted to date around. He didn't take this very well and increased his calls, letters, and emails trying to win back her love.
She became annoyed, as she now had a new boyfriend, and she wanted to get him off her back, so she took a Polaroid picture of her having sex with her new boyfriend and sent it to her old boyfriend with a note more...

Q:Why did the blondes belly button hurt?
A:Because her boyfriend was blonde