Bored Jokes / Recent Jokes
Q: What do Israeli soldiers do when they get bored? A: They go over to the West Bank & the Gaza Strip and get stoned.
Once, two Sardars were feeling bored and decided to play a few games of chess to pass the time. They were doing this for some time, when two more sardar friends dropped by. Seeing them play chess, they said - "Come on guys, we are feeling bored too. Let us play doubles!"
After many years of marriage, a husband has turned into a couch potato, became completely inattentive to his wife and sat guzzling beer and watching TV all day. The wife was dismayed because no matter what she did to attract the husband's attention, he'd just shrug her off with some bored comment. This went on for many months and the wife was going crazy with boredom. Then one day at a pet store, the wife saw this big, ugly, snorting bird with a hairy chest, powerful hairy forearms, beady eyes and dribble running down the side of its mouth. The shopkeeper, observing her fascination with the bird, told her it was a special imported "Goony bird" and it had a very peculiar trait. To demonstrate, he exclaimed, "Goony bird! The table!"Immediately, the Goony bird flew off its perch and with single-minded fury attacked the table and smashed it into a hundred little pieces with its powerful forearms and claws! To demonstrate some more, the shopkeeper said, "Goony more...
Bored Superman
One sunny afternoon Superman was out flying around. Crime was
slow that
day,
so he decided to go over to Spiderman's house.
"Hey Spidey, let's go get a burger and a beer!".
"No cando, Supe. I've got a problem with my Web-shooter. Can't
fight
crime
tomorrow without it".
So Superman heads over to the Bat Cave to see what's up. "Hey,
Batman!
Let's go get a burger and a beer!"
"Not today, my friend. My BatMobile is down and it must be fixed
today.
Can't
fight crime tomorrow without it".
Disgruntled, Superman takes to the air, cruising around the skies
when
he flies over a penthouse apartment. And what to his SuperVision
does
he see, but none other than WonderWoman, lying on the deck,
spread-
eagle, stark-naked! Superman gets a brilliant idea:
"They've always said I'm faster than a speeding bullet and more...
Why was the banker bored? Because he lost interest in everything.
Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the crap table. A very attractive Blonde woman from Alabama arrived and bet twenty-thousand dollars ($20, 000) on a single roll of the dice. She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I play Topless." With that, she stripped to the waist: rolled the dice: and yelled, "Come on, Baby, Southern Girl needs new clothes!" As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up-and-down, and squealed..."YES! YES! I WON! I WON!" She hugged each of the dealers. Then she picked up her winnings and her clothes, and quickly departed. The dealers stared at each other dumfounded. Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?" The other ans wered, "I don't know. I thought you were watching." Moral --- Not all Southerners are stupid. Not all blondes are dumb. But, all men..... are men.
Signs She's Getting Bored Having Sex With You
When you request sex, she replies, "Wait' til the Nyquil kicks in."
Gets very upset when the ashtray falls off your ass.
Actually answers when you ask, "Who's your daddy?"
Last time she screamed during sex was the first time she won at solitaire.
Only moans during commercial breaks.
Starts her fake orgasms during foreplay.
Keeps trying to set you up with her friends.
Runs for vacant Senate seat in New York.
You find yourself sitting backstage at the Jerry Springer show.
You begin to suspect she is only "playing" dead.
Her moans of delight discovered to actually be a WAV file.
Instead of asking to leave her shirt on, she wants to leave her pants on too.
Keeps asking, "Are you SURE you're not gay?"
Holds up a picture of the Playboy centerfold to hurry more...