Blue Jokes / Recent Jokes

1. How do you kill a blue elephant? With a blue elephant gun. 2. How do you kill a pink elephant? Twist his nose until he turns blue and then use the blue elephant gun.

A man phones home from his office and says to his wife, "I have the chance to go fishing for a week. It's the opportunity of a lifetime. I have to leave right away. Pack my clothes, my fishing equipment, and especially my blue silk pajamas. I'll be home in an hour to pick them up." The man rushes home to grab everything. He hugs his wife, apologizes for the short notice, and then hurries off.

A week later, the man returns and his wife asks,"Did you have a good trip, dear?"

The man replies, "Yep, the fishing was great...but you forgot to pack my blue silk pajamas."

His wife smiles and says, "Oh, no I didn't...I put them in your tackle box."

knock knock,
whos there?
little boy blue,
little boy blue who?
micheal jackson!

THE KILTED SCOTSMANA kilted Scotsman was walking down a country path after finishing off a considerable amount of whiskey at a local pub. As he staggered down the road, he felt quite sleepy and decided to take a nap, with his back against a tree. As he slept, two young lasses walked down the road and heard the Scotsman snoring loudly. They saw him, and one said, "I've always wondered what a Scotsman wears under his kilt." She boldly walked over to the sleeping man, raised his kilt, and saw what nature had provided him at his birth. Her friend said, "Well, he has solved a great mystery for us, now! He must be rewarded!" So, she took a blue ribbon from her hair, and gently tied it around what nature had provided the Scotsman, and the two walked away. Some time later, the Scotsman was awakened by the call of nature, and walked around to the other side of the tree to relieve himself. He raised his kilt... and saw where the blue ribbon was tied. After several moments of more...

The out-of-state couple are camping on the shores of a lake near a tiny hamlet.
The young wife, stunningly built, decides to give the local town folk a thrill by sun bathing in the nude.
"That's OK with me, honey," says her husband. "I'll go get some wood for the fire."
About thirty minutes later, the husband returns to the campsite and finds his wife in tears. One of her breasts has been painted green, the other red and her ass is blue.
"What on earth happened to you dear?" he asks.
"Some of those rednecks from town came over and told me they don't allow any nakedness around these parts. Then they gave me this paint job!"
"Damn those trouble-makers! I'll fix them!" the husband shouts.
He rides into town and finds the rednecks in a bar.
"Who is the SOB who painted my wife red, green and blue!" he shouts.
A huge redneck, about 6'-8," steps forward, a shotgun in his hand. more...

One day there was a boy at school and his teacher told him to get 4 spelling words.
1st he went to his Brother and asked “Could you give me a spelling word? ” His Brother answered “ShutUp” So he wrote down Shutup.
2nd he went to his Mother and asked her. She answered “Certainly” He wrote down certinly.
3rd he wen to his Dad and asked for somthing sweet. His dad answered Lolipop so he wrote down Lolipop.
4th he went to his little brother and asked the question. He answered “In my Little Blue Car”
The next day he went to school and his teacher asked for the words. He said his 1st word Shutup. Then she asked “Do you want to go to the principles office? ” He said is second word “Certainly”. In the principals office the principal asked what do you think you deserve, the boy answered “Lolipop!! ” Then the principal asked “What do you think your punishment should be? ” The boy answered “To go in my Little Blue Car!!!! ”

This woman goes into a funeral home to make arrangements for her husband's funeral. She tells the director that she wants her husband to be buried in a dark blue suit.
He asks, "Wouldn't it just be easier to bury him in the black suit that he's wearing?"
But she insists that it must be a blue suit and gives him a blank check to buy one.
When she comes back for the funeral, she sees her husband in the coffin and he is wearing a beautiful blue suit. She tells the funeral director how much she loves the suit and asks how much it cost.
He says, "Actually, it didn't cost anything. The funniest thing happened. As soon as you left, another corpse was brought in, this one wearing a blue suit. I noticed that they were about the same size, and asked the other widow if she would mind if her husband were buried in a black suit. She said that was fine with her. So... I switched the heads"